Ellen R. Collier
Jul 24, 2017 · 2 min read
Photo Credit: Ellen R. Collier

Girl in Green, 2013

(Note: This was a poem I wrote in 2013, describing how I felt at the time being a female Army soldier, dealing with mental health issues. I decided to publish it now, as I’ve grown and changed drastically since then.)

For anyone willing to listen

For anyone able to care

For someone who can help me

Will someone even dare?

I do not think I’m too far gone

Not yet a hopeless case

But I’m struggling to escape

From my Depression’s cold embrace

My Anxiety makes me nervous, and

I long to disappear

My Depression often makes me wish

I wasn’t even here

My camouflage can’t hide me

Although I wish it could

“Parade Rest” makes me feel vulnerable

No matter where I stood

I’ve come a long way since last year, but

I’ve still got a long way to go

Will I ever feel better 100 percent?

Sometimes I just don’t know

I harbor so much anger

Toward those who hurt me before

I’m sick of this charade of a life

I loathe it to the core

Now please don’t misinterpret

I love my family a lot

My parents, brother, husband and pups

Are the best friends that I’ve got

All I want is a different job

Something far away…

Far away from this life (nightmare) in “Green”

I’m living every day

It might not seem like a big deal to some, but

It surely is for me

I just want to be happy, no longer a slave

I simply want to be free

My life would be much different

More creative, that’s for sure

For my mental/emotional issues though

I’m desperate for a cure

So for all who have been listening

For those who choose to care

I’m searching for health and happiness

Here’s hoping I find it somewhere

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