Girl in Green, 2013
(Note: This was a poem I wrote in 2013, describing how I felt at the time being a female Army soldier, dealing with mental health issues. I decided to publish it now, as I’ve grown and changed drastically since then.)
For anyone willing to listen
For anyone able to care
For someone who can help me
Will someone even dare?
I do not think I’m too far gone
Not yet a hopeless case
But I’m struggling to escape
From my Depression’s cold embrace
My Anxiety makes me nervous, and
I long to disappear
My Depression often makes me wish
I wasn’t even here
My camouflage can’t hide me
Although I wish it could
“Parade Rest” makes me feel vulnerable
No matter where I stood
I’ve come a long way since last year, but
I’ve still got a long way to go
Will I ever feel better 100 percent?
Sometimes I just don’t know
I harbor so much anger
Toward those who hurt me before
I’m sick of this charade of a life
I loathe it to the core
Now please don’t misinterpret
I love my family a lot
My parents, brother, husband and pups
Are the best friends that I’ve got
All I want is a different job
Something far away…
Far away from this life (nightmare) in “Green”
I’m living every day
It might not seem like a big deal to some, but
It surely is for me
I just want to be happy, no longer a slave
I simply want to be free
My life would be much different
More creative, that’s for sure
For my mental/emotional issues though
I’m desperate for a cure
So for all who have been listening
For those who choose to care
I’m searching for health and happiness
Here’s hoping I find it somewhere
