Losing Someone
Have you ever lost someone very close to you? How does one move on from that? When I found out my grandfather had passed away, I immediately started balling my eyes out. My daughter kept asking “mama you alright? You hurt?” I didn’t quite know what to say to her to express what had happened. I felt like I got stung by 20 bees at once. I felt like my favorite coffee flavor at Dunkin Donuts had run out indefinitely. I felt like my least favorite food was all we had in the house to eat. Maybe the well had run dry for drinking….
I feel like my heart and soul are still in the nursing home where I last saw him. I feel like he’s gonna just make a random sound, which he was known for. My grandmother goes to the cemetery almost every day. She’s not herself since he’s passed. But I don’t think anyone would be their self when they lost their best friend and better half of 62 years. 62 years of marriage.
Where do you turn to when you want to have a pop with your grandpa? Or watch an episode of Walker Texas Ranger? I mean honestly and truly, where do we go when we leave this place? I think that everybody dies. But what if when we die, the tunnel of light is actually the light you see when you are coming out of the birth canal again? What if we are all dying to be reborn, not remembering our previous lives and that’s why we cry so much? I heard that somewhere recently. I wonder if it will actually play a role in our lives.
But at the end of the day, I’m here. I’m alive and I’m well. But I still miss my grandfather. I know he’s in a better place. But it doesn’t feel like that at times. I feel like he was taken away too soon but I know 82 years is a long time to live on this planet. Especially, if you’ve been suffering since you were 60. But he was always so affectionate towards my grandmother. He called her moo. She was the light of his world. The love of his life.
I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be ready to let go? But if the past month has taught me anything, it’s that never take for granted those you love. It could all be taken away so quickly.
