Mondays Should Be Outlawed
Starting off any day with an email rejection from a recent agent query is never fun. When it happens on a Monday, it is like pouring lemon juice on a paper cut. On that infamous day of the week, there is no telling what could happen.
Of course I was running behind. I wouldn’t expect anything less on Monday morning. I grabbed a yogurt and a plastic spoon to eat a soon as I got to work. As a teacher, I am blessed with the first period of the day as a planning period this year. I use it to catch up on reading and eating breakfast.
I shut myself in my office and arranged my yogurt and impending paperwork on my desk. As a testament to the wonders of modern technology, I proceeded to demonstrate how yogurt containers always spray their contents when opened. I nailed my blouse and, of course, the paperwork.
I dabbed at my blouse with a damp paper towel. It worked as well as you might expect, and I discovered blueberry yogurt is stubborn. That was my first discovery of the day. After giving up, I returned to my office and made my second discovery of the day: I didn’t grab a plastic spoon. I cleverly grabbed a plastic fork. I made my third discovery when I tried to eat the yogurt and realized that using a fork rated only a hair’s breath above chopsticks for efficiency.
I would love to say the day improved, but the truth is that it continued in the momentum in which it started. Thankfully it didn’t get any worse in severity but maintained the same caliber of mishaps. This included random gravity checks, verbal trippings, and mental lapses. An old idiom came to mind around lunchtime: The probability that someone saw you is directly proportional to the stupidity of the actions. That was my Monday.
What do I expect out of a day that was named after Hera? She was the Greek Goddess of love and marriage and is rumored to have been stunningly gorgeous. It is believed that she bathed once a year in Canathus Spring at Temenium in Argos (once a year? She may have been a looker, but I doubt I’d want to be standing downwind from her). She was also a mean and jealous critter, largely due to her tumultuous relationship with Zeus. She was also believed to be a shrew to her children and altogether nasty to the other goddess moms.
Isn’t that just like Monday? Monday can be a vindictive shrew. Sure, it looks all pretty and shined up; it’s a new week! Full of possibilities. But hey, Monday knows you are really pining away for Friday night or Saturday. Monday is a jealous vixen and will sooner slam dunk you into oblivion than let you forget about her.
There is only one way to avoid it: Mondays should be outlawed. Or at the very least, optional.
