Motherhood Doesn’t Have To Be A Prison Sentence
Today, I am flying to Destin to surprise my best friend for her 35th birthday! I would be lying if I didn’t admit that selfishly I also just really needed a break from reality for a few days. What better way to recharge and get some mental clarity than to spend a few days with the one who truly gets me? She’s my person! My Cristina Yang, my Monica Gellar, my Ethel. She has a way of calming me and making things seem okay again. Knowing that, my husband practically pushed me out of the car this morning.
I feel lucky because unlike a lot of marriages, we truly are an equal partnership.
I may be a stay-at-home mom, but we work together like a well-oiled machine (most days). Although he works outside of the home and is the primary breadwinner, he recognizes that my role is just as important. Without me, life at home would be chaos. However, he also believes that I deserve a break too, and should not be tied down to our children 24/7 just because my job is in the home.
Many women feel like they can’t take breaks from their children. Whether it’s running to the store or going on a weekend getaway with the girls, it feels wrong. I have to stop and ask myself why is that? Maybe it’s due to societal norms, expectations from their spouse, or their own guilt eating at them, telling them they should be at home. Even though I know I deserve a break, and my husband and children are doing fine at home, I can’t get out of my own head.
Society and those evil sanctimommies tell us that we should be giving 100 percent of ourselves to our children 100 percent of the time.
It is such an unrealistic expectation, and it’s no wonder every mother you meet is exhausted, depressed, and on the verge of losing her shit. We don’t need to have it together all of the time, and despite what anyone else thinks, we deserve a freaking break too! I meet so many women who say their spouses do not get up for night feedings or changings, they do not play with their kids, and they refer to it as “babysitting” when they have to be an actual parent. They are told, “your job is being the mom, my job is to go to work and make the money.” I’m sorry but unless their job is a 24-hour-a-day job, then yours shouldn’t be either. Parenting requires teamwork, and the last time I checked, no woman has ever climbed on top of herself and gotten pregnant on her own.
You created life together, so you need to raise that life TOGETHER!
Maybe I’m just lucky. Maybe what I have is rare, but my husband gets up with me and our twins every night, and we feed and change them together. He lets me go to the gym or run errands when he gets home, and on his days off he lets me sleep in. He does homework with our oldest, plays trains and does puzzles with our toddler, and helps with the cleaning. He knows that in order for me to be the best mother I can be, I need to have time to feel refreshed and rejuvenated. He knows that a lot goes into taking care of four children and maintaining a home, and would never expect me to manage that all on my own. If we didn’t work together, everything would fall apart.
Women need to start standing up for themselves and ignoring all of the negativity.
We cannot let others make us feel less than we are worth and undeserving of our own identities simply because we chose to have children. We can have both! Motherhood doesn’t have to be a prison sentence. We can be amazing mothers and still go out at night and let our hair down. We can run our kids to school and back, take them to appointments and activities, make dinner, and do the laundry, all while pursuing our passions too.
Mothers who have interests and goals outside of their children are happier and more fulfilled in the long-run.
I personally want to teach my daughters that you don’t have to choose motherhood or a career. You don’t have to choose motherhood or a social life. We are amazingly strong and motivated beings; we can do it all if that is what we want. We shouldn’t let others determine what we are capable of, and we shouldn’t allow society to set the rules for our own individual lives. Remember that before you can adequately love and care for others, you have to love and care for yourself first! That is a lesson that I try to remind myself every day. Whenever I start to feel guilty, and that voice inside my head tells me my priorities aren’t right, I remind myself that my children want me to be happy. That my happiness spills over into the lives of my husband and children. I cannot be the glue that holds my family together if I’m cracked. So, today, this weekend, I proudly put myself first so that when I return I can be my best self for the people that I love.
