My Decision to Return to School
My decision to go back to school came easily. Now, I’m working on my Ed.D in education, I am terrified and wondering why I made such a rash decision. Could I be a glutton for punishment? Am I crazy? How did I think in a million years that this would be less stressful environment than when I earned my M.F.A.? I’ll tell you why.
I am good at being a student. I love to study and write papers. When I’m not in school, I feel like I should do more. When I’m in school, yes I stress out and get overwhelmed and feel crazy, but I love it. I love building a rapport with my instructors. I love taking advantage of the tools and resources of the facility. I love the Instagram posts where I can hashtag homework time, or grad school or studying mom.
I have to wait until my kids go to sleep to get my homework done. I love the quietness I get at those rare study times. I love the hustle and shake of a Sunday where I am scrambling to turn in my assignments. I love reading the scholarly journals. I love the way my planner fills up with assignments, tutoring, and reading tasks. I love to tell people I am earning an Ed.D in education.
Although I am not sure what, exactly, I want to do with this degree, I suspect I would love to teach. Since school is something, I love it is only logical that I stay and work my way from student to teacher. In the scheme of things that is how I see this working out. I love having the degrees to show my children you can do anything as long as you work hard.
My decision to go back to school so shortly after obtaining my master’s degree was an easy one. Now, I’ve returned the same worries and stresses arise as it does with anyone making such a huge commitment. I worry about making the grade, literally. I worry about my dissertation since I have no idea what to expect with that huge feat. I worry I will feel mom guilt and wife guilt, constantly. I worry about making it out of the program successfully. I worry what waits for me when I’m done.
All that being written, I feel successful with each degree I earn. I feel smart in school. I feel so strongly that success is correlated to education. And that is the reason I decided to go back to school, wish me luck!
