My Other Half

My other half makes me feel like I’m suffocating, like the walls are closing in on me, and any minute my world is going to come crashing down. Her presence makes me feel nauseated, shaky, and unsteady. I feel her creep up on me like a shadow in the dark and the panic sets in. The fear is overwhelming and uncontrollable. My friends don’t like her and she gets in the way of my relationship with my husband and my kids. She tries to keep me from working, or doing school work, and sometimes she is so overbearing that I can’t even complete simple household chores. My other half makes me afraid to leave the house; makes me feel like I’m strange, so socializing can be difficult. She wants to keep me locked away, where she can have me all to herself. Dealing with my other half on a daily basis makes me exhausted. She lets me sleep during the day; but I’m convinced she is merely allowing me to save my energy for the battle that comes every night when the sun goes down. At night she morphs into a ferocious beast, wrapping her arms around me so tightly that my chest hurts. She knows my worst fears and she uses them against me. Hitting me in every weak spot, she exposes every insecurity, breaking me down little by little. Eventually my other half tires and the battle ends for the night. Finally, her voice is silenced; finally, I can sleep. Sleep is my favorite thing. Before I open my eyes in the morning, I can feel her pulling at me again, reminding me of all the things I have yet to accomplish, of all the things I’ve failed at. She is an unwelcomed visitor that I can’t get rid of; I’m not even sure why she’s here. She’s always been here, she’s my other half, her name is anxiety…..