Phantom Illness
Since March 2019, I’ve had symptoms of an illness no one can name. It started with a small brain stroke in March.
Since then I wobble when I walk sometimes. I have convulsions when I get too stressed. In the few weeks after my stroke, I was referred to a Neurologist. I was told he was one of the best on my side of the island.
Living in Puerto Rico doctors are hard to find. Most of them left after Hurricane Maria in 2017.
I went to my appointment and after a few MRIs, CT scans and other tests, I was eager to get an answer. That day I had slurred speech but I noticed that the doctor was indifferent. He never asked me questions. In fact, the man barely looked at me and handed me a piece of paper instead.
He was going to run more tests, I came in a couple of weeks later and had my test run. Still, I had convulsions, slurred speech and my patience began to run low.
All doctors agreed something was wrong. The neurologist, Dr. Loyola of Mayaguez Puerto Rico, a respected doctor, had an answer after viewing my results.
“It’s anxiety. Go talk to your psychiatrist.”
I sat frozen and angry. I forced a smile. “But it is rare for an anxiety disorder to cause this.”
“Still, nothing’s wrong here. Your psychiatrist needs to work with your meds,” he said snidely.
If I could kill him and stay out of prison I would. I knew the moment I mentioned my bipolar disorder he’d attach himself to that. The “crazy” could be making this up.
It happens to mental health patients all the time. When I mention my diabetes it’s no problem. It is never questioned. But when I mention “bipolar” the world goes mad. I hate it because I still have the symptoms, but no answer.
