Lindsay Parker
Jul 24, 2017 · 6 min read

Relationship Tips for Surviving a Deployment

Photo Credit: pinimg.com

When you date or marry a someone in the military, deployments, mandatory training, and TDYs/TDAs are inevitable. At some point in the relationship your significant other will leave for an extended period of time. Whether it’s for a few weeks or an entire year, being away from the person you love never gets easier. In the four years my husband and I have been married, we have been separated for almost half of that time. I have learned you can either be bitter and dwell on the stress and loneliness, or you can try to make the best of an uncontrollable situation.

It has taken two short tours for my husband and I to finally get a grasp on how to keep that spark alive. Don’t get me wrong, every couple is going to have bad days, but it’s important to remember your spouse isn’t the enemy. You’re in this together. Here is a list of tips to not only keep your relationship going, but to promote relationship growth. That’s right, relationship growth! Not every tip on this list is going to work for every couple. It widely depends on the individual situation and the type of assignment, but it is possible to tweak these ideas to fit your needs.

Old Fashioned Love Letters

Emails and Facebook messages are super convenient and often times the easiest way to communicate. My husband is currently 14 hours ahead of me, so it can sometimes be difficult to coordinate that necessary quality time. I am a huge fan of sending an old fashioned love letter. Not only is sending a lover letter super romantic, but it shows thought and effort. I personally am much better at expressing my feelings on paper, and it’s something they can save forever.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Care Packages/Small Gifts

Nothing can brighten your day more than receiving a package from your love. Sending your military member their favorite snacks, books, games, baked goods, and ahem *cough cough* pictures, can really lift their spirits. Send your partner flowers. If you’re deployed to an exciting and exotic place, sending your spouse something totally unique to that area allows them to share in your experience as well.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Get Out of the House

This applies to both parties if at all possible. Obviously the military member may not have this type of flexibility depending on the location and assignment. If you are unable to leave base, it becomes even more imperative that you form friendships and socialize. Secluding yourself is only doing you a disservice, and that dark cloud is going to spill over into your relationship. Getting out and experiencing new things while your partner is away is going to keep you busy and make the time go by much faster. New experiences will also give you exciting things to talk about with your spouse.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Save the Drama for your Momma

Make sure that every conversation you have with one another isn’t about bills, unruly children, or stresses at work. Take time to share the good moments in your day. Reminisce about old times, make jokes, and laugh with each other. Not everything has to be so serious all of the time; those problems will still be there tomorrow and you can deal with them then. The deployed spouse is already dealing with a lot of stress, most of which they cannot discuss, so sometimes we need to be that peaceful escape for them.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Video Chat Movie Dates

Do you have a certain show you and your spouse watch together? Is there a movie you both have been dying to see? It is possible to still enjoy those as a couple. There are multiple ways to do this of course. Screen sharing is the easiest way to watch a movie together. If that doesn’t work for your particular situation, my husband and I will often FaceTime and simply start the movie at the same time. This year for our anniversary we ordered the same pizza and watched a movie. It’s obviously not the ideal situation, but it felt good to share that day together.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Sex and Intimacy

It may seem a bit taboo or uncomfortable, but keeping the intimacy alive in your relationship is just as important, if not more, when you are separated by distance. Okay, if we are being honest sextiming or phone sex IS awkward at first, but it builds an entirely new level of trust in your relationship. I do not recommend sextiming with just anyone obviously, some discretion should be involved. Okay a lot of discretion! However, if you are in a serious committed relationship with someone you trust, it can be exciting and liberating.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Set Up a Secret Facebook Group

With this short tour, my husband and I wanted a private space where we could talk openly about our feelings of love, frustration and sadness. We created a secret page on Facebook where we can share funny memes, post photos of our children and travels, share song lyrics and meaningful quotes. It’s a page where we do not have to hide behind the feelings and comfort level of others. It’s also a place where we can save the memories of this trying time, and look back and say, “wow look at all we’ve accomplished together.” If Facebook is not your thing there are specialized websites for these purposes, but this is what worked best for us.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Think Before You Speak

Sometimes in the heat of the moment we say things we don’t mean. Unfortunately, we can apologize and forgive all we want, but you can never truly take back the words you say. It’s crucial to train yourself to think before you act upon your emotions. If you cannot have a productive adult conversation, take some time to cool off and then revisit when you are in a better headspace.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Don’t Forget to Say Thank You

Lastly, don’t forget to stop and appreciate one another. Say thank you and recognize the sacrifices you are both making to maintain your relationship in an otherwise imperfect situation. More importantly, remember why you are making those sacrifices.

Photo Credit: Pexels

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Lindsay Parker

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Im a wife and a mother, trying to touch the lives of others through the written word….

Coffee House Writers

We are a team of dedicated writers who want to share our work with the world.

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