The Power of Acceptance-Does it Exist?
Recently, I watched a video on Facebook that showed a number of older women who claimed that all of the changes today cause pressure and what they wouldn’t give to just live and have their youth back to do things differently. Not only did this video bring me to tears, but it has filled my hours since watching with guilt. As you know, I suffer from mother’s guilt almost 100% of the time; I work too much, I don’t spend enough time with my kids and wife; I am tired all the time, I have goals, I am stretched too thin; I do too much, I will never succeed, my kids don’t have enough, I am a bad mom ETC. just to name a few reasons why I feel bad constantly. Not only did this video bring all of those feelings of despair to the surface, but it made me think…will I ever feel like I did enough or was enough? Is there ever a sense of fulfillment that sets in to your soul and makes you feel accomplished and complete? If I did solely focus on my kids and family would I say that it was enough? When it is my time to exit this world, why is my reasoning of, “I did my best and loved with all of me,” not going to be good enough?
The answers, I’m not sure. But I don’t think that there is ever a feeling of I lived my life perfectly for anyone even if they did the extras that you’re told to do. I wonder what is so wrong with trying to have it all. Why can’t I want to achieve goals AND have kids? Why can’t I allow them to play or watch television while I write articles or books? Why can’t my love just be enough? I’m not saying that I will just ignore my family. We are all very hands-on and we do spend time together everyday. I always hug and kiss my babies and tell them I love them. We have fun times and frustrating times, but what is wrong with embracing technology sometimes and letting them let loose on their tablets? Again, I question why my love is never enough? Professionals, articles, books, and websites all tell me that the way I parent is wrong anyway, and those same mediums tell me the way I work is wrong, and it just gets too stressful to try and keep up.
Will I ever accept that my love is enough? Can I accept my hard work as virtuous and coin myself a role model for my kids since what I do is for them anyway? Is it terrible to want to leave a legacy behind? Of course, I don’t believe my guilt will ever go away. I always feel like there is more that I can do and need to do. What I can do is try not to stress over it so much. I can try to be more open to just relaxing more. I can try not to think about the what-if’s so much and start accepting the right-now’s. I just feel that women especially, are so hard on themselves to be everything for everyone that it’s easy to get lost in certain moments or make bad decisions, but isn’t that part of what makes us powerful and unique?
Does self acceptance exist? How do you get there? If you do get there, will it be enough? Or will there always be someone over your shoulder telling you that no matter what you are doing IT wrong? I have no words of wisdom because these are the demons that I fight all day everyday. I am just trying to make sense of the why’s and how’s. I am trying to make sense of why it feels so good to accomplish my personal goals AND love my children and wife with all that I am. Why can’t it just be good enough?
