The Secret About Mental Illness That No One Will Tell You
Lately, I’ve been noticing something that people have been examining in their articles, and I think they have the wrong idea regarding the topic they’re writing about. There seems to be a growing trend of people who are convinced that mental illness is something you can recover from. Something that you’ll never have to face again, as long as you avoid imagery, literature, TV series, and movies that may have triggering effects. I am here to debunk that theory! However, this article is not going to view things bleakly, merely realistically. I prefer a practical and proactive approach when it comes to tackling mental illness, and that’s what I want to talk about in this article.
So, where to begin? How about we start with this notion that illnesses like depression, anxiety, or eating disorders are things that can be “beaten.” I’ll be the first to admit, that would be so cool! One day, maybe I won’t ever have to deal with months of depression and I’ll no longer experience social anxiety. Here’s the problem with a term like saying you “beat” your illness: it’s like a fairy tale, where the hero slays the dragon and then never has to face another dragon ever again. That’s not how mental illness works, but because that’s how people want it to work, they’re only hurting themselves in the long-run. By thinking you’ve beaten something for good, and then wanting desperately to forget about that dark time in your life, you’re doing yourself a grave disservice. The fact is, you probably will have to face your illness again at some point and while it may have been an unpleasant part of your past, that doesn’t mean you should forget about it. Forgetting about it means more than forgetting the bad feelings, it means forgetting what you did to feel better. It means forgetting the coping skills you learned that helped to see you through those tough times. It means forgetting the warning signs of a depressive episode.
This concept of “recovery” is strange and foreign to me. In all actuality, most people who have depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc., do not ever achieve full recovery. I believe it’s possible to go into remission, but recovery, on the other hand, is not something that can be won like a trophy. It isn’t some kind of end point you can expect to reach. It’s a goal that we all strive for, but that’s why most of us say we’re working towards recovery, we’re striving for recovery, or we’re in the process of recovering. It isn’t something you’re ever going to truly reach, and the truth is you don’t have to. Most people with depression and anxiety continue to experience it throughout their lives. People that have body image issues almost always continue to have body image issues. They may not be puking into a toilet or restricting/counting calories anymore, but for many people the urge is still there.
I’d be lying if I said I never feel the urge to cut myself sometimes just to feel momentary relief when things get really hard. Self-harm, much like eating disorders, can turn into an addiction, and just because you kick an addiction doesn’t mean you don’t still feel tempted from time to time. Just because I take Zoloft, doesn’t mean I don’t still experience anxiety. I also still deal with depression during certain times of the year, usually in the late fall and all throughout winter. The darkness, the dreary, cold weather, not being able to go outside and enjoy sunshine, they all take their toll on me. Because the daylight hours are so short in the winter, I have a tendency to feel exhausted all the time during that season. If it were up to me, I would just hibernate from January until the beginning of May. Yet, I cannot do that. Life has to continue and I must continue along with it, even though there are more days than I’d like to admit when I’m only functioning at about 30% power.
So, what’s the answer? If most of us, who are suffering from a mental illness will never fully recover, then what’s the point of trying? The point is to continue aiming for recovery, while fighting for mental wellness. Usually, that involves a combination of medication, therapy, coping skills, and self-care that you utilize at home. Keep in mind though, that those med-checks with your psychiatrist and your therapy sessions really only account for a few days out of an entire month. The rest of the time, you’re responsible for your wellness. It’s up to you to employ tactics that work for you when you’re at home. You’re the one who has to live with your illness and its symptoms. If that sounds tricky, difficult, and exhausting, I’m here to tell you that sometimes it is. Some days will seem easy and you’ll be able to care for yourself with relative ease, almost as if you were on auto-pilot. Other days will be hard and may feel hopeless. That’s when it’ll take some creativity on your part to keep yourself from spiraling out of control.
Mental wellness is all about maintenance and that’s what most mental health professionals won’t tell you. They act like all you have to do is go to counseling for a while, take a pill or two, and you’ll get well again. Normally, it doesn’t work like that, nor is it that simple. Mental health is a complex issue because it’s unique to every individual both in terms of your symptoms and how you handle them. Once again, you can go into periods of remission, but most will never achieve permanent recovery.
Let’s be clear, this is not me telling you to give up hope; it’s me telling you to understand the reality of your situation and plan accordingly. You don’t have to live in fear of the future, but it would be wise to be prepared in case you have a relapse. In general, you will most likely have to make changes and adjustments to your treatment plan from time to time. This could include going to therapy more often, less frequently, or possibly trying a new medication or dosage (however, don’t ever feel like you’re obligated to; if you feel that a med change isn’t the kind of help you need, then ask about group coping skills classes, or something along those lines—in short, know you’re options). There may be times where you’ll need to re-work your emergency action plan, or possibly change who your emergency contact person is. That’s fine, sometimes it’s necessary to make changes. Your job though is never done, it’s an ongoing process. You must always manage your symptoms, because that’s the only way you can achieve mental wellness—not recovery, wellness. There’s a difference. Recovery is the idea that, at some point, you’ll reach a final destination where you won’t have to use coping skills anymore or be mindful of how you’re feeling. It’s where you won’t have to protect yourself from things you know will set you off or cause a triggering reaction. This notion and way of thinking is an illusion, and the concept of recovery, a mere myth.
The goal isn’t to reach a point where you no longer have to worry about your mental health or take care of yourself. The goal is to find something to smile about every day. The goal is to laugh hard and often. The goal is to hug the ones you love and for them to remind you that they care. The goal is to take time for yourself, to do something that you love, that makes you feel fulfilled. Remind yourself of who you are, make a list of all your awesome qualities, talents, personality traits, skills, anything that will give you a boost of confidence, and enforce the fact that you have worth! Ultimately, the goal isn’t to reach a place of recovery, because that’s too much pressure to put on yourself, and many people who adopt that mentality end up feeling like they’re failing because they still have bad days. The real goal is to strive for recovery, because that means you’ll always be improving, you’ll always be learning. When it comes to taking care of yourself and your mind, rest assured that you have “job security.”
One final note, the reason I want you to know that you may never make a full recovery is for two reasons: 1. Depression has a habit of returning. Once you’ve had it a couple times, you’re more likely to get it again and sometimes it comes back worse than before. I want you to be prepared, so that you’re not confused if it happens. I want you to be prepared, so that you’ll know how to ask for help or how to help rescue yourself. 2. I want you to know that you are strong and awesome for working towards recovery and by managing your symptoms in order to achieve wellness! It’s not about being perfect, it’s about progressing. That’s what the journey’s all about, but it’s an ongoing journey. Don’t ever feel like you’re failing just because you don’t feel as happy as you’d like to feel. Mental illnesses have a way of deceiving people. These types of diseases tell you things that you would not normally say to yourself. That’s what happens when your thinking is distorted by the effects of mental illness.
Just know though that your illness is not who you are. It doesn’t define you. It’s something you live with. It’s something you have to manage. However, it’s not usually something that goes away and the sooner you stop having unrealistic expectations for yourself, the happier you’ll be in the long-run. Just stay the course and remember that it’s not your obligation to make everyone else comfortable with you. It is, however, your obligation to be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, and continue to take care of yourself in the best way you know how. You are succeeding in life! Every day that you are here is a victory! Remind yourself that you matter, because it’s true! Love yourself, love your mind; live your life, live your dreams! Every time you continue along on your journey, you are carrying a torch of hope for the rest of us and I will be there to carry a torch with you!
