When The Lights Went Out In Portland

Tony had always tried to do the best he could by his friends even as he slipped into his own little world over the past few years. He was lost, and he knew it. He had recently in the past year found his way a bit with the church. But, things had still been going wrong, and he was trying to correct them and get to where he needed to be. And, at the same time, he felt pain for the city he loved that had not been doing as well for the people as he remembered it did when he was a kid. He knew many were homeless and in need now.

Hell, he was about to lose his own apartment through some bad choices himself. Aside from a few friends locally and his friends online he felt abandoned. He kept asking for help, but it seemed like those that would help were too far away and those that were close enough kept ignoring him aside from a few who could do little.

He constantly pleaded with God for help, and he was told time and time again that the Lord worked at his own pace. But, that pace wasn’t fast enough for Tony who had been homeless once before and couldn’t stand the thought of going back to it. He was already drained of money and didn’t have public transportation to spare. He felt like he was facing a brick wall.

Finally, the last night he could possibly stay there Tony couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t see any more avenues he could take. He had tried everything, and he was in a deep, dark place that he hadn’t been in for a long time. He tried to get out of it, but he couldn’t.

He turned to God in prayer and said, “I’m sorry Lord I can’t get out of this dark place this time forgive me. But, take me as a sacrifice so that no more in this city have to suffer my fate. Help them, Father, they are good people they really are.”

He closed with an amen and then went and got a bedsheet. He got up on a chair and tied it to the light fixture overhead and then without a word or leaving a letter kicked the chair out from under him. He didn’t struggle or resist he had resigned himself to this fate and been sucked up by that deep dark place so completely.

As the life was drained from him and his soul taken from him, all went dark across the city. No one knew why just the whole city went dark for an hour and a weird light appeared in the sky over the city.

The next day the maintenance crew found Tony as if he were just another suicide victim. There were tears and regrets, promises to do better next time. As there always is in these cases. But, also the city started getting better; suddenly there were things happening to help the homeless and lift the city up. And, it began to spread outward.

In reality, though suicide doesn’t work this way and causes pain and hurt and more death in its wake. There are places you can turn to though if you get into those deep dark places like I did when writing this or like Tony in the story. If you get in a deep, dark place you can reach out to me if you want to talk. Trust me, I have been there before. Or if you feel more comfortable talking to professional there is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800–273–8255. If you prefer texting, send a text to 741–741. Help is out there even when you don’t think so. Just please, reach out when you get in one of those dark places.

*Tips his hat and walks out the door looking for those that need help*.