Don’t Hoard Your Praise, Let It Fly

Living on this planet can be grueling. There is much joy and sharing, much love between us, but much suffering too. We face the world bravely and stoically like isolated ships on rough seas — there for each other, but trying to deal with everything around and in us, to stay afloat and sail through our personal storms.

Which is why I’ve always believed in telling people what is truly great about them. Not blowing smoke, not hyping them, but letting them know when they have or achieve something inspiring, beautiful, profound.

Whatever they have, whoever they are.

The facade of strength, of power and authority people carry, may be real, but can be broken down in a heartbeat by the loss of friends, family members, by health concerns, a sudden business disaster, the break up of a marriage.

And these are some of the strongest people walking around.

Many we pass on the street don’t even have this going for them. They move from day to day like ghosts, doubting everything in their lives, wondering if they’ll find love again, trying to raise children as single parents, praying for ways to make ends meet, dealing with health afflictions.

The fact is, we are all living in a precarious, fragile, teetering world, balanced on the head of a pin. Some of us were given more to deal with it as children. We had greater examples of spiritual faith in our parents, and have a stronger support system. We are the fortunate ones.

There is this simple verse for us: “To whom much was given, much is expected.”

I wasn’t raised with wealth, but I knew I had everything going for me. And I know that when I see something glowing, great, good in another person, I’m supposed to let them know it, tell them immediately, not sit back in envy and wish it was mine, though I may aspire to it. It’s one of my charges in life, it’s one reason I was given this life and all the hope I have.

Because people need more than we realize to know their worth and purpose.

It doesn’t cost me anything, except occasional mistrust from those who wonder what my motive or angle is, but they quickly see I have none, except to raise us all up.

As an actor I tell fellow actors, even stars I’ve worked with, how much I loved their work in anything— a character, a scene, a play. It’s a grimly tough business, with daily rejections, and we need all the warm reminders we can get.

I’m sure I’ve made women suspect I was coming onto them, when I only wanted them to know how lovely they are. Beauty is a gift to us all, not just to the one who has it, but it might be all they have. What is on the outside doesn’t always mirror what’s on the inside. Beautiful people have some of the lowest self esteems on the planet.

I’ve been at parties where one guy is cracking everyone up, is just plain funny as hell, and having done stand-up before, I tell him, in all seriousness: you could do stand up comedy if you wanted to; or you should get into acting. Because if you can be naturally funny, you can probably go to dramatic places also. Most gifted comedians can. I don’t know how many actors or comedians have resulted from this, maybe none, but my conscience insists when I see talent, a gift, something shining in anyone, I let them know about it.

On the basketball court, if someone has a shot, moves, an uncanny ability to score, block shots, I tell them. Sure, they may know already, but when they leave the court, what are they walking into? What else do they have outside of there? Whatever it is, I want them to know they’re appreciated here.

We all have gifts, and those gifts are our purpose and strength. When someone reminds us of them, we realize we matter more, and it lifts us up.

In a perfect world we would all be reminding each other, hey, that’s remarkable — great balance, great eye, wonderful scene, beautiful tone, nice story, remarkable painting, stunning dance, incredible speed…

Or just, damn, I love that car.

We have more than enough negativity in the world, people tearing each other apart over ideas and politics and everything imaginable. We have plenty of people looking to steal each other’s light. What they don’t understand is, when you give others what they deserve, when you shower them with earned praise, you’re lighting your own way.

“Give credit where credit’s due, same thing’s gonna happen to you,” Sun Ra said.

So be the opposite of taking. When you see someone doing something well, being brilliant, beautiful, noble, let them know about it, don’t hoard your praise and slip away into the darkness with it.

Whatever’s in your heart, tell them, let it fly.

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Ron Clinton Smith is a film actor, recently seen on True Detective, and writer of stories, songs, poetry, screenplays, and the novel Creature Storms.