‘Someday, Maybe’ Proves Why Internal Voids Cannot Be Filled By Others
Discussing the significance of emotional maturation and its impact on romantic relationships as shown in Onyi Nwabineli’s debut novel
TW: Mentions of suicide
Spoiler warning: Please be aware this review contains spoilers
A wise queen named Rupaul once said, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Through my own personal experiences, I’ve found that to be one of the truest sayings I’ve ever heard. And as I was reading Someday, Maybe by Onyi Nwabineli, these words occurred to me again the more I read about Eve and Quentin’s relationship prior to his death.
Don’t get me wrong, my heart broke for Eve multiple times throughout this novel. But with each flashback she had, I became more and more convinced that Eve and Quentin (aka “Q”) were not soulmates.
“If a beautiful person demonstrates interest, it is as if we’ve been given a gift, and right now, I was the girl with all the damn gifts.”
Eve had not yet reached that point of self-love or even self-discovery when she met Q, and then she completely depended on him for approval so that she never felt the need to really get to know herself.
From the time she was a child to when she met Q in college to the present time of the plot, Eve and others who know her intimately (like her sister, Gloria, and best friend, Bee) admitted she tends to over-rely on others for protection and validation.
It was also evident that Eve had low self-esteem when it came to her looks, relationship, and even her career. These insecurities coupled with her “damsel in distress” tendencies bled into her relationship with Q.
She continuously says she always expected Q would leave her at some point for “someone worthy” which shows that she had no real faith in their relationship or Q’s love for her. So why stay? Because pleasing Q made her feel good about herself.
Eve didn’t even feel she deserved to be with Q, which amplified the effect of each compliment, kiss, or step forward they took in their relationship. So it makes sense that when Q took his own life, Eve instantly blamed herself despite him leaving no note behind with an explanation.
“I never got the chance to tell him that his issues with communication aggravated the part of me that was convinced he would, at some point, stop choosing me.”
Quentin’s insecurities were different though. He was born an only child to Malcolm, his father and family monarch who died when Q was twelve and whose shadow Q kept fighting to get out of, and Aspen, his overbearing, dismissive, and demanding mother who often expressed her love through lavish gifts.
So when Q met Eve, I think he was attracted to many things about her, but especially the way she took care of him and how thoughtful she was. She catered to his emotions, believed in his talents, and loved him out loud—unlike Aspen.
I also think the lack of attention and warmth in Q’s upbringing explains why he was immediately attracted to the togetherness and love Eve’s family exudes anytime they are around each other. It’s why he became so close to Eve’s brother, Nate and why he proposed to Eve in only twelve weeks. Just like Eve, once Q found the kind of love he felt he needed, he latched onto it.
However, I think deep down Q still sought Aspen’s love and approval even as an adult, and Eve’s love simply couldn’t replace that. Quentin repeatedly let Aspen disrespect his fiancée and relationship but never stood up to her because he didn’t want to risk upsetting her, even if that meant upsetting Eve instead.
“He wanted something new, something warm. He wanted more than weekly calls with a mother who treated his vocation like a pipe dream, a silly display of youthful defiance.”
I don’t mean for this post to come across as insensitive to Eve and Quentin’s situation, but my philosophy has always been that your issues, with or without a partner, are still your issues.
I think this is a lesson Eve begins to learn towards the end of the novel as she starts doing activities that bring her joy (e.g. art lessons, making new friends, traveling to the Isle of Man), even if only for a few moments, rather than doing what everyone around her says will make her feel better.
And it is only until she starts doing these things instead of torturing herself about the role she might’ve played in Q’s suicide that she can finally stand up to Aspen and work toward being the mother she wants to be for her child.
So while I do believe that Eve and Quentin loved each other immensely, I feel that they each had their own internal work that needed to be done before entering a relationship. It seemed they overly depended on one another to fix issues that were much more deep-rooted than either of them could’ve anticipated.
Acknowledging those personal flaws and working at them could’ve improved their relationship, strengthened themselves emotionally, and made them more self-aware. We’re all human. I won’t pretend to not know that it’s easy to get lost in another individual who seems to personify all of the things you’ve wanted in a partner or even yourself.
But looking within and taking charge of our own happiness, just like Eve does, is the only way we can achieve true fulfilment.
