‘You Can’t Buy Love Like That’ Teaches Us That Queer Was Always Here
A book review of Carol E. Anderson’s compelling memoir of what it was like to grow up lesbian in the 1960s
Imagine growing up in a fundamentalist Baptist household in the 1960s, coupled with the possibility of being gay.
What would life be like?
What to Expect From the Book
Carol Anderson grows up in a fundamentalist Christian home in the ’60s, a time when being gay was in opposition to all social and religious mores and against the law in most states. Fearing the rejection of her parents, she hides the truth about her love orientation, creating emotional distance from them for years, as she desperately struggles to harness her powerful attractions to women while pursuing false efforts to be with men.
The watershed point in Carol’s journey comes when she returns to graduate school and discovers the feminist movement, which emboldens her sense of personal power and the freedom to love whom she chooses. But this sense of self-possession comes too late for honesty with her father. His unexpected death before she can tell him the truth brings the full cost of Carol’s secret crashing in — compelling her to come out to her mother before it is too late.
Candid and poignant, You Can’t Buy Love Like That reveals the complex invisible dynamics that arise for gay people who are forced to hide their true selves in order to survive — and celebrates the hard-won rewards of finding one’s courageous heart and achieving self-acceptance and self-love. — book blurb, via Goodreads
From the opening chapter of “You Can’t Buy Love Like That,” Carol E. Anderson gives us an eye-opening account of growing up gay in the 1960s.
She says that her parents had a radical faith in God, but the message of God’s wrath projected by their church minister stuck with her the most. Regarding physical pleasure, it was always “thou shalt not.” Every church service ended with a plea to repent and accept Jesus. At the age of 12, Carol decided that she wanted to be saved from the threat of punishment and a life of fear, so she accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior.
A few years after her decision to be saved, she developed a crush on her close girlfriend. As the two grew closer, Carol’s feelings turned to love. But she felt the need to hide her true feelings because she didn’t believe anyone would accept her, including her parents.
The following school year, she started dating boys…even being hopeful about falling in love.
But during college, she developed feelings for another female friend. She describes her feelings as being stronger and more profound than with men in her past. But again, these true feelings were hidden. She points out that there were no gay advocates or literature to read to help her navigate her feelings. When people started to gossip about whether or not she was gay, Carol wondered how she would ever live an authentic life.
There were persistent thoughts of God’s punishment and a lack of moral support from friends and family. So, even the natural excitement of falling in love and wanting to share it with everyone had to be hampered. Then, when the relationship ended, she had no one to turn to.
Carol says that it took years to learn to love and accept herself.
“You Can’t Buy Love Like That” is a powerful, touching account of a strong woman’s experiences throughout her teenage and adult life. I can’t say enough about how much I enjoyed reading her story.
Readers on Goodreads seem to agree, with one saying, alongside their five-star review: “This is a wonderful memoir. It is full of growing up, growing wiser and making hard decisions. I enjoyed all the MI history and references. This is a relevant read and leaves you feeling like you just got a warm hug from a friend.”
If you have read the book, drop a comment below! Thank you so much for checking out the story today!
