Coffee Times
Published in

Coffee Times


Jimmy Kimmel Asked Him to Come Up With These Funny Out-of-Office Replies

Photo by Jose Vazquez | Unsplash Photo Community

Thank you for your business


Thank you for your email. You have been subscribed to my out-of-office auto-responder. Your credit card has been debited with our subscription fee of $11.99/email; this is the receipt for your current email. Your business is appreciated.

Less is more you guys


I am on annual PTO between 12/21 to 12/31. Upon my return, I will be awarding $100 to the individual who would send me the least number of emails in my absence. In case of a tie-break, the winner will be decided using a lucky draw.

Please note that you have already sent me at least one email. But don’t lose heart. You can still recall it to have a clean slate. Good luck!

You just made it to top brass


I am out of the office and will return on January 2. I have limited access to my emails.

P.S. — I have an outlook rule set up to forward all your emails to the company’s CEO to get you the help you need.

P.P.S. — If you are thinking about recalling your email, it doesn’t work that way. Geez…. get your act together.

You’ve been phished


Thank you for your email. While I am out of the office sipping Mai Tais’ in Hawaii, this AI-based autoresponder has recorded your browser history. I must say I am intrigued by your life choices.

Anyway, consider this a courtesy heads up. Any subsequent emails from you will trigger a company-wide memo with your browser history.

Do or Die


I will be out of the office for the next two weeks starting 12/21. Please expect delays in email responses. If this is an emergency, please answer a short questionnaire truthfully.

Is this a life-threatening emergency?

A. Yes

B. No

If you answered No, please try to do something yourself without depending on me.

If you answered Yes, please take your focus off this screen, find your phone, and dial 911.

Subscribe to never miss a story from me. It won’t cost you a dime. Become a member to access unlimited stories. For now, read this hilarious story from this author.




Coffee Times is not just a publication, but a movement to build a mutually supportive community that encourage active reading and better writings.

Recommended from Medium

That Quirky Girl

The Great Facebook Unfriending Frenzy

Day 417 and I’m NOT a size 8! F’this!

Surviving Covid Winter II

Left Lane Courtesy

Everybody likes me. The police cars drive

My first blog

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Gaurav Jain

Gaurav Jain

I have three TVs, two cars, and one wife.

More from Medium

I Want To Let It Go In 2021

I am an Anxious Achiever

Recipe for an Ideal Day