Listening is a Superpower
A simple act to power-up relationships and career
When we talk about superpowers, we’d often picture Superman with his super-strength, Thor wielding Mjolnir and the power of lightning, or Spider-Man climbing walls and shooting web from his wrists. Listening hardly ever come to mind as a superpower but I’d like to think of it as mine.
Many belittle listening and its impact on relationships and career. But why is it that important? Let’s define the act of listening first.
Communication is a two-way process: one party sending a message and the other receiving it.
Messages can come in various forms; namely, verbal and non-verbal. More often than not, we’re so caught up with the first part. We want our message to be received. To be heard. And that‘s only natural. With ever-increasing distractions and noise (thanks to the proliferation of digital devices robbing us of our attention) in our day-to-day lives, it‘s even harder to get your message across. Everyone’s fighting. Fighting to be heard.
Take an example. You’re speaking to a friend about a matter at work that affected you (Let’s call them Person A). Before you could finish your sentences, they cut in to give their opinion. Or even better yet, a solution you didn’t need to hear. Throughout the conversation, Person A gets distracted by multiple pings on their mobile phone but insist that you continue. Their focus shift between you and the chimes from their phone. When you’re about about done, you’re asked to repeat a part you’ve barely mentioned moments ago.
Now imagine you’re talking to Person B about the same matter. They put away their mobile phone, eyes locked on you, paying attention to every word you’re uttering, and nodding whenever you finish a point. They give you time to talk, give their input on the matter at the right moments, and reaffirmed you that everything will be okay. Who do feel more comfortable sharing with? I’m guessing Person B. Chances are, both situations are relatable as you’re likely to have been on both ends of each scenario before.
“You have two ears and one mouth and you should use them in those proportions.” — Chinese Proverb
Listening is also an often-overlooked skill for designers to develop. When interviewing our users, we want to make sure every ounce of their experience, expectations, and non-verbal cues are captured. If we‘re not actively listening, we risk losing valuable input that influences the design decisions we make. Designers are also the conduits of change in the team receiving input from multiple stakeholders. When we don’t heed the user feedback from Customer Success, requirements from Business, or critique from other designers, we’d perform poorly in our role as we can’t do our best works in isolation. The great news is that it’s part of the job and we are constantly improving through feedback and practice.
Truth be told, I can be a better listener still. I’m guilty of being a ‘bad listener’ sometimes — From reading messages when someone is presenting, letting noise in the background distract me, to having my mind drift in the middle of a conversation. I’d often walk out of a conversation thinking I’m terrible and that I should improve.
Fortunately, listening is like a muscle—It can be trained and one can become better at it. It requires conscious effort and intention to listen, not just hearing. Like any investment, the returns can be bountiful: fruitful relationships, respect from people, being more engaged at work, quality of work improving, the list goes on...
There’s a little exercise I’ve been practicing: I’d put myself in my speaker’s shoes and ask myself how I’d feel if no one was listening? Not so good probably. I’d appreciate if my audience listened — because it signals that my time matter. That I matter.
I also began practicing mindful listening through small actions. They may seem insignificant but others take notice of these little acts.
- I’d put away my phone or close my laptop when I notice I’m not giving my speaker my fullest attention.
- I’d pay no mind to my notifications until only after a conversation.
- Whenever there are distractions in the background, I’d consciously shift my focus back to the face of my speaker.
- I’d also resist the urge to speak until others in the room has shared.
My superpower (that’s a work-in-progress) may not be super-strength, flight, or invisibility — But it’s certainly one that has a big impact on me and the people around.
Coffee for thought: When was the last time you gave someone the gift of your fullest attention?
