I Cried Over My Coffee House Receipt and Other Pitfalls of The Stress of Existence
Today, I cried.
I know, obvious from the title of the article.
Tell us something we don’t know, Stranahan!
Okay, okay, I relent. I will acquiesce. What you don’t know, is that- as most moments of emotional leakage- the crying wasn’t really about the receipt. It’s not even about being unemployed. It’s about a more subtle stress that is hitting us all very very hard every single day.
Be a better writer, Stranahan! Don’t use very! that’s lazy!
Well, I’m going to be lazy. I’m gonna be so lazy I will from here on till the end of the article be abandoning the rules of good writing, good grammar, and even good manners. I’m fuckin’ tired y’all. I can’t keep up with so many rules. And part of the reason is that I don’t have the energy due to the fact all my energy is being spent on that subtle stress I mentioned: The Stress of Existence.
Never have I made such a millennial statement before, right? It’s such a thing for my generation to say. But do be patient. I have a point, I promise, and It’s a very good one. The Stress Of Existence isn’t because I was born without a choice and now I have to live a life I don’t want to, never wanted to in the fist place. No, in fact, I like living. I like existing very very much. (two verys again! Count ‘em!) When you put existence in a vacuum, and you focus on what nature requires of existence, it’s beautifully simple: Eat, sleep, drink, fuck, feel…experience the environment through the senses. React to the environment through the senses. Tap into the very present, the now, in front of you so as to survive and ensure survival. Not so bad. Especially if you start layering in modern marvels and luxuries, like electricity, AC units, sliced bread, the wheel, the internet. We even have the fanciest flavors and spices. Vanilla is common place now! You know how fancy vanilla was back in the day? It was a delicacy, rare, hard to find. Expensive. and now people call it basic. That’s wild!
But existence isn’t in a vacuum. It’s complicated. We have religion, geography, culture, politics, capitalism, communism, sexism, racism, please at this point stop me and give me a more universally positive -ism… You get my point. Sometimes, we can cope with the -isms. There is a give and take. there is a pro and a con. But lately, living in my state’s -ism (Capitalism, if that wasn’t clear before), the cons outweight the pros.
Those who know me, and definitely those related to me will read this and think “there she goes again on her radical bullshit. She never quits with this crap.” And will I hear about it through texts and emails and possibly family gatherings? yes. Will my parents probably have to listen to folks gripe at them about what their adult daughter does on her own as if it is their fault? Probably. Still, I will continue. Because you need to know what it’s like.
In this -ism, it’s a crime to be poor.
In this -ism, you are punished for being sick.
In this -ism, you are further punished for mistakes made by those with power.
In this -ism, money is power. And if one doesn’t have money but has power, it’s a guarantee they are a mouthpiece for someone with money. Consequently, If you don’t have money, you don’t have power. Period.
In this -ism, there is such a disrespectful disparity of wealth, billionaires exist.
In this -ism, philanthropy is a substitute for actual ethics. It’s the way the mega rich ease their conscience: “So my workers are dying because I’m skimping on safety concerns that would cut into my profits. I feel awful, so let me fund an orphanage for their kids. Philanthropy worked for Vanderbilt, right? should be fine for me.”
In this -ism, school libraries are replaced with detention centers.
In this -ism, I have to pay money to exist in a place: department store, restaurant, coffee shop…otherwise I’m not welcome.
So now we come to it: the famed receipt. As I search for work, I like to change it up so I can stay interested in things. I go to libraries, sure. Sometimes I stay at home. But libraries are pulled real thin in every single direction. Children are about a lot of times, ESL classes are going, some branches are hemorrhaging people because the higher ups who rarely walk into a library ever are slashing funding and closing branches and all other manner of bullshit. And sometimes, the fluorescent lights just don’t do my anxiety any favors.
So sometimes, I go to coffee shops. I get a drip coffee, which now costs me about 3 to 4 bucks depending on where I go. I sit at a table, and I work. It used to be a great place for me to get things done. But slowly, surely, the coffee shops I don’t get sad in are dwindling in numbers.
I used to go to Starbucks. They had this great deal where you didn’t necessarily need to buy anything to use their restroom or exist in their space. Now, they are replacing most of their seating inside with counter space for moblie orders. Now, there’s little no room to sit inside. There’s also a code lock on the bathroom door. So you don’t have to buy anything, but they definitely do everything to pressure you. Especially since you have to go up to the counter to ask for the code. So now Starbucks has me sad. And mad.
There are some local shops I’ll go to, and those are nice. They are a little better. I feel like I am supporting a small business. But then there are times I might get peckish, order something off the food menu, and it’s 8 dollars for a ham sandwich. And that’s the cheapest thing on there. and that stresses me out. But the coffee and tea are predictable, and they give you wifi access. It’s all fine. Sometimes it’s a bit of an honor system.
But today, it was different. I went to a local shop, and I saw that the wifi was on the receipt. Pretty typical of places around here. I opened the digital receipt on my phone to find it. But it was no where to be found. “that’s odd” I thought. Then I thought nothing of it as I found my seat. Once I clicked on the guest wifi, a window popped up. and there was a special login window. This is when I cried.
They wanted my name, my email, my zip code, my receipt number, and my order total. if any element was wrong, access was denied.
And The Stress of Existence washed over me. Soon, I won’t afford existing. nevermind the eating, the drinking, the sleeping, the feeling and experiencing and reacting that I am supposed to do as an organism. This: this constant paying to exist is what has us stressed out. And because it is pervasively woven into the most minute details of our lives, we are expected not to recognize it. We are conditioned into thinking this hell is normal.
I’m telling you now: THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
I should not have a panic attack paying for groceries. I should not dread the first day of every month. I should not feel guilty for buying juice at the store because I can’t afford to treat myself to something other than tap water. This is all absolute bullshit. But I am not special. This is happening to ALL OF US.
Well-almost all of us.
Remember those billionaires. It’s not happening to them.
Those billionaires who spend 250,000 to secure their spot on a death trap submersible. They treated themselves to an underwater adventure that was to them what an iced coffee with an extra pump of chocolate would be to us.
Those billionaires who spitefully buy a company for 56 million dollars all because they were done with said billionaire's bullshit tantrums. Those same free speech preaching billionaires who then turned around and censored a massive social media platform into abject failure: re-branding and driving a company into the ground because no one ever told them no.
Those billionaires that don’t allow unions or bathroom breaks, but allow themselves to penetrate our atmosphere in a giant dildo instead of putting money towards world hunger. If you were wondering, the funding to combat world hunger according to the UN is just .5 billion dollars more than that dildo rocket cost. Think about that: you decided to spend 5.5 billion dollars to shoot your ego to space for a little over ten minutes when for 6 billion you could have actually helped billions of people around the world- I dunno- EAT?
Billionaires are fine.
But us? We are crying in coffee shops. This needs to end.
