What is normal?
Hello, my name is Hannah Crowe-Cumella. I am going to tell you a story of my life. Not just the typical story about a girl with big dreams or a girl who lives happily ever after. But I’m going to tell you a story that does not have an ending. It is ongoing.
You see, people grow up having themes that shape their life. Some can include love, popularity or belonging. My theme is, “NORMAL”.
What is normal?
“Normal- adj.- conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.”
Now your next question might be how does this play into my life? Well keep reading and you will find out…
My life started out not how one would think. I was discovered in Nanjing China with no ID, food or water. Fun fact: my birthday is the day I was found. Within 48 hours, I was registered as a human being in the police department and brought to the Nanjing Orphanage. This is where I spent my next 5 months of my life.
In February, I was adopted by probably the most loving and compassionate couple I (still) have ever known. Mary and Kathy. I have two moms. Two lesbian moms. They are the most caring, nurturing and supportive parents as any two could be.
We moved to a little suburban town in Massachusetts. It’s absolutely beautiful, and in many ways I am blessed to have lived there.
When observing family make ups throughout my childhood, family usually consisted of a white, heterosexual couple with two kids (boy and a girl).They had societal norms written all over their foreheads.
You can see that nothing about my family is normal. I probably have one of the most diverse families ever. Two lesbian moms. A family made through adoption. Multiracial and 2nd generation daughter…catch my drift?
It was really hard for me having to grow up in that kind of environment. I was one of probably 7–10 people of color in my class. I was bullied a lot in middle & high school for my race, my family make-up and sexual orientation. I can remember trying desperately to be normal. I remember running around when I was little, saying my moms were going to adopt another child just so that I looked like I had a more normal family structure. I begged them at night so hard to get me a sibling…it was quite sad. Also, I remember purposefully instigating fights with my moms just because my friends fought with their parents a lot. It was absolutely ridiculous and I’m shocked with half the stuff they put up with.
My turning point was COLAGE. A nonprofit organization that stands for Children of Lesbian and Gays Everywhere. I can confidently say COLAGE has saved me. It’s a life changing experience and I will forever donate my time to this organization. I want to help kids the way this organization helped me. I learned how to be confident in my family and in myself. I learned how to empower, find my own voice, be an advocate and be a leader. The friends I make in COLAGE will always be my friends for life. We connect on a whole new level than any other friends of mine. This organization and all it’s beautiful people helped teach me that there is no such thing as normal. And that my family is just as important as any other family. It gave me the confidence to boost my self esteem and erase my goal for normality.
I am 22 years old now. I live in Burlington, Vermont where I am in my last year of school. My family and who I am are things I am proud of. Family is the most important thing in my life. The family I live with and my chosen family (the friends I chose to be a part of my family).
The theme of “normality” still haunts me at times. I struggle day to day with the societal pressures to be “normal”. I’ve grown a lot over the years. I can say I’m a lot stronger and hard headed than I used to be. I love my family a lot. I love my moms a lot. And I’m learning to love myself a lot as well.
