What’s a “queerspawn?” My first experience at Creating Change
For those of you that don’t know, a queerspawn is a person who has or had one or more LGBTQIA+ caregiver(s), guardian(s), or parent(s). Some people use queerspawn as an identity term and some people use other terms. I’ve heard of gayby, kid of, gayby baby, COLAGEr, Queer 2.0 and I’m sure there are many more out there. Queerspawn community is a space both for folks who have parents/guardians who are out and for those whose parents/guardians are not. It’s a space for folks that live in the same household as their LGBTQIA+ parent/guardian and a space for those that never have. Queerspawn community is a space where we can share the living language that generations of queerspawn have made to share our stories in the ways that we want. Queerspawn community is the first place and maybe the only space that I share the entirety of my queerspawn story.
Early on a Tuesday morning (like really early, my airline changed my flight to 5am, oy!) a couple of weeks ago, I started my journey to my first Creating Change Conference which was from January 24–28 in Washington, D.C. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had never been to a conference that was run by and for LGBTQIA+ folks. I know the power of spaces that are organized “for us and by us” from existing and working in queerspawn space since I was ten years old.
On the first two days of Creating Change, people attend day long institutes. On the second day Kaley and I attended an institute where they asked us to share three personal signifiers. Kaley and I both shared that we’re second gen queerspawn. Someone at our table asked what that was and we told them that a second gen queerspawn is someone who is LGBTQIA+ identified and also has or had an LGBTQIA+ parent or guardian. People at our table expressed that they had never heard that term and didn’t know that COLAGE existed. One person at our table said, “woah, that’s me!” and Kaley and I were delighted to have found another second gen queerspawn. Unfortunately, this is an experience that we often have and something that happened throughout the conference. People haven’t heard the term queerspawn and they don’t know about COLAGE yet. It’s wonderful to have access to spaces like Creating Change to continue letting folks in the LGBTQIA+ community know that queerspawn community exists and is important.
This year, COLAGE and COLAGE’s New York City Chapter facilitated two workshops and held two community spaces. The first workshop “Queerspawn in the Family: A Queerspawn and LGBTQ+ Parent/Guardian Dialogue” was led by Megan Mcknight, Jamie Larson, and Michelle Duso. Megan and Jamie are amazing leaders in our COLAGE community and with the support from Michelle, COLAGE’s vice board chair and longtime parent advocate of queerspawn spaces, they used their workshop to show the importance of queerspawn stories and experiences in dialogues about LGBTQ+ families. Megan, Jamie, and Michelle created space for LGBTQ+ parents and caregivers to speak with and hear from the queerspawn in the room. We talked about our living language that queerspawn have created to talk about our own experiences, talked about the importance of community, and the importance of making room for queerspawn in the movements for LGBTQ+ families.
Later that day, Kaley and I led at caucus space for queerspawn to get together and share our stories in a queerspawn only space. Half of the queerspawn that attended had never been in queerspawn space before. We started with telling our stories in pairs and then answered questions like “What’s the funniest thing about your family?” I love connecting with queerspawn, hearing their stories, and seeing them connect to the space for the first time.
On Saturday, Kaley and I, along with Julie Kruse and Emily McGranachan from Family Equality Council, led a workshop called “Queerspawn UNITE! Youth within LGBTQ+ families Story Sharing Workshop.” In this space, COLAGE and Family Equality Council both shared the history of the work that their organizations do with youth in LGBTQ+ families, the importance of our stories, and opportunities to share your story (if participants choose to). We spoke critically about whose stories historically are told and what that means for our community. There were opportunities to share in the workshop through COLAGE’s Kidsafe Blog, COLAGE’s Adult Queerspawn Blog (this!), Family Equality Council’s “Every Family Deserves a Family” Campaign, and through recording your stories with StoryCorps’ app.
Saturday night, COLAGE, Biff, and Trystan, hosted a casual LGBTQIA+ families meet-up in the lobby of the hotel. This was open to the public and a lot of COLAGE community members from the D.C. area were able to attend. We shared our stories and answered questions in small groups. My favorite thing that our group talked about was all of the art, posters, sculptures etc that our LGBTQ+ parents/guardians have. I found out that someone one else’s parents also had a life-size, stand up, cut out of Lara Croft in their bedroom. We laughed, shared, and cried, cause you know that it’s not COLAGE until someone cries!
Creating Change was wonderful and the importance of COLAGEr space at the conference was obvious to me. I learned a lot of things that I will bring back to my work with COLAGE and queerspawn community. Here’s to many more years of queerspawn (or however you choose to identify) creating change and at Creating Change! Thanks to everyone that made the conference possible.
For those that are interested here is our shared living language that I mentioned a couple of times in my post:
Thank you to the amazing NYC Chapter Leaders for writing down this language so it can be shared far and wide!
Queerspawn • An identity term used by youth and
adults with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, or queer parents/guardians. It is often
used to articulate one’s connection to queer
community and claim a space in it.
Culturally Queer • Speaks to the feeling shared by
many adults with LGBTQ parents that they grew up
immersed in queer culture, including traditions,
celebrations, media, and language. Queerspawn are
often raised in the queer community and learn about
society primarily through a queer lens, and
experience heterosexual culture and its norms as a
secondary cultural influence.
2nd Generation • Identity for queerspawn who are
lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer
themselves.
COLAGEr • Identity term for youth and adults with
one or more LGBTQ parents/ guardians. Used
particularly by youth who have been involved with
COLAGE, the only national organization focused on
people with LGBTQ parents/guardians.
GOLAGEr • Identity term for individuals with one or
more LGBTQ grandparents. Also used primarily
among people involved with COLAGE.
Bothie • Refers to someone who was born or adopted into a
heterosexual relationship and whose parents later
both came out as LGBT or applies to instances where
LGBT people came together to create their own
families, such as a lesbian couple and a gay male
friend who decide to conceive together.
KOT and PTP • KOT (Kids of Trans) and PTP
(People with Trans Parents) are used to identify
people who have or have had one or more parent
who is transgender, gender variant, or identifies
somewhere else along the gender spectrum.
DI • Born through the use of a sperm donor. Some DI
individuals are conceived using medical intervention
while others are conceived at home. This includes
conception through IVF, ICI, IUI, or IVI.
