Not In The Moment
I often find myself drifting away, even when I’m right in the middle of something. My body is there, but my mind? It’s usually somewhere else, wandering through to-do lists, future plans, or replaying old conversations. It’s like I’m stuck in a constant state of almost-there, barely aware of what’s happening around me.
I’ll be having a conversation with someone, and instead of really listening, I’m nodding along, while my thoughts are two steps ahead, planning what I need to do next. The details of the moment slip through my fingers like sand, leaving behind only a vague sense of what was said.
It’s not just in conversations, though. I’ll be out for a walk, the world alive with colours and sounds, but I’m too busy thinking about something that happened last week or worrying about what tomorrow might bring. The beauty of the moment is lost on me because I’m not truly there to witness it.
I scroll through my phone, eyes glazed over, barely taking in the content, just mindlessly swiping. The time passes, but nothing really sticks. It’s like I’m always looking for something, but I’m not even sure what that something is.
When I eat, the food is just there, something to consume while my mind races on, thinking about the next task or replaying an awkward encounter. I don’t savour the flavours or enjoy the experience; it’s just another thing to check off the list.
Sometimes, I catch myself and try to pull back into the present, to really be there, but it’s harder than it sounds. The habit of distraction runs deep. I wonder how many moments I’ve missed, how much of life has passed me by while I was too busy living in the past or the future.
Being present is something I know I should do, something that’s often talked about, but it feels elusive, like a skill I haven’t quite mastered. I’m here, but not really. And that lingering feeling, that faint whisper of missed moments, follows me around, reminding me that there’s more to life than just being physically present. It’s about being truly there, in every sense of the word. But for now, I’m still learning, still trying to find my way back to the now.
