We talked with students at lunch!
Great discussions with dozens of students and some staff
(Coauthored by Tara McClees, Class of 2008)
Today a group of CVCS alums visited the sidewalk outside the school to talk with anyone who was interested in learning more about Cole Valley Speaks. We estimate we ended up talking to 50+ students!
We visited on National Day of Prayer and had some great discussions, but turnout was low. After we got home that day, we had messages from students saying they would have liked to talk, but they had to run to class. We decided to come back during their lunch hour, when they said it would be easier to talk.
I really value these opportunities to visit and talk with students and staff. It has been fantastic to get to “take the discussion offline” and move into face-to-face interactions. It allows for more back and forth and gives us the chance to really listen to each other.
Folks from Cole Valley Speaks (both Christian and not) met outside. Soon a few staff and students showed up.
One of the first interactions we had was with a current staff member. They came out and started with hugs and hellos. The staff member knew most of us present and has children who grew up with many of us, so it was good to say hi and see them! They told us that they love us, that they are praying for us. They did not agree with our message or our approach. We asked whether this staff member had read the Joint Statement. They said they started reading but hadn’t finished it. They said that they couldn’t understand why we were turning on the school, and that they remember us when we were students and how proud they were of us when we were in high school.
The conversation felt a little tense and there were strong emotions on both sides. It was admittedly hard to talk issues because of this, and I’m not sure we were able to get our main ideas or goals across.
When we discussed LGBT suicide rates, the staff member pointed out that many public schools have suicide issues as well. They mentioned that only 4 staff members at the school now are the same staff members as when the classes of 2007/2008 were there. They mentioned that the school has changed a lot since then. One of our members (class of 2017) pointed out that they were LGBT and had attempted suicide because of things that were said at the school by staff and students. When things were less heated, this staff member made a point to pull this student aside and offer compassion and a hug, which was much appreciated.
The staff member said that we can’t expect Cole Valley to change what they believe, because the school operates based on the Bible, and there’s no way to go against God’s Word. We replied that our goal with LGBT issues is to reduce suicides, and we acknowledge that we cannot/will not try to change Cole Valley’s opinion that being gay is a sin. We asked them if they had read the opening statement of the Joint Statement where we affirmed that our goal was not to change Cole Valley doctrinal beliefs. I wasn’t sure whether this idea (that we weren’t trying to change their minds) was new information to this staff member. It seemed like it might be.
This person conveyed their care for us and shared that they really hoped we would come back to God. We let them know that many of us in the support group are still believers and that we too had been praying.
We asked what the staff member thought we should do instead of our current approach. They said we should talk with our parents about these things. They also suggested we talk with school leadership/administration, and keep meetings one-on-one. We gave a short outline of our attempts at communication so far. A few of us mentioned that we had already taken some concerns to parents and leadership one-on-one and had felt unsuccessful.
They told us that we shouldn’t be bullying people. I asked where in the Joint Statement our language sounded like bullying (if the conclusions I helped write are bullying I’d like to fix it!). The staff person said they were pretty busy at work and hadn’t gotten into the main body of the statement.
Later, this same staff person came back out to talk more. We were able to have another discussion and it definitely felt less tense than before. To me this was a great example of how you can disagree, talk about your views, but still come together and acknowledge common ground where it can be found. It gave me hope that more interactions like this could happen in the future.
We really appreciated that this parent came out to talk, and it was good to hear their perspective. It was good to learn what of the Cole Valley Speaks content is being read/watched, and how it is being interpreted. Understanding how people are forming their opinions and clarifying points that need to be clarified is a great step forward.
We ended our conversation with this staff member with “I love yous”. And each side said they would be praying for the other side.
After this interaction with a staff member, students started to appear as they finished eating.
One student (who had invited us to return), came with a list! This student presented us with a well thought out response to many of the issues we raised. Their list included instances where CVCS had done a better job than what has been illustrated by Cole Valley Speaks stories and interviews so far. The student told how in science class they were assigned to write a paper on the age of the earth. Instead of writing about a young earth, this student wrote about their views on theistic evolution and an older earth. They said that even though this view disagreed with the majority, they got one of the highest grades in the class. We thought that was great!
The student told us about a chapel speaker who visited to talk about LGBT issues. The chapel speaker (Dr. Christopher Yuan) identifies as someone who experienced same sex attraction, but does not consider himself to be gay. The student shared that part of his message was to students: that they shouldn’t make jokes about gay people or disrespect them. They said a lot of students benefited from hearing a positive message on this.
They told a story about another student who had attempted suicide, and listed off ways the school addressed it (including handing out pamphlets on what to do if you have suicidal feelings, how to get help, etc). They said the staff and teachers really came around this troubled student to help them out. Another positive story to hear! We didn’t get the chance to hear from the student involved in this story or how they felt, but we would love to have that opportunity.
The student gave us so much good insight on things the school is doing that they have changed and updated. They also included in their list areas where they thought Cole Valley needed to change or improve. These overlap with many of the core ideas in our Joint Statement so I won’t detail those here. I was really happy to get to talk to them! Conversations like this are what I have hoped for from the beginning: real stories and concrete examples of current CVCS policies. It was refreshing to be able to have a conversation. We agreed on a lot (awesome!), we disagreed too (also awesome!). This was one of my favorite student conversations I had today. I felt like both sides were really able to listen to each other and share their points of view, and even admit when the other side was right!
As the crowd grew (at one point we had probably 20+ students gathered around) things got more scattered, and I didn’t get to talk to everyone, but all the conversations were great.
A few teachers came out to say hi. About a dozen students actually ended up being late for class because they were talking to us (oops!) but the conversations were just that good. We talked to students with all kinds of views. Many students expressed that they believed being gay is a sin. Both sides respectfully shared our differing views, and came back to the point that we should work to make sure LGBT students don’t want to commit suicide.
The main trend I saw was that many students had read Cam’s initial blog post. Many students had heard about us, but didn’t know what our movement was about, or what our goals were. I didn’t hear from any student who had read our Joint Statement. Most students asked genuine questions, did a good job of listening to what our goals and intentions were, and shared their thoughts. I absolutely loved hearing what they thought about all these topics! They did a great job of articulating their points of view, even to each other, and I often found myself just listening and soaking it all in.
