Dear Husband (let me sleep!)

Oh husband, how I miss you!
When you’re not here in the week.
But weekends in the night time hours,
On my last nerve you tweak.

Dear husband, Please! I wish that
you’d just settle down and sleep,
This deprivation drives me
into the spare room to weep!

I don’t want to divorce you,
You’re such a lovely man.
But, just for the record, I’ve
tried everything I can!

I long for blessed silence,
for ear plugs that really work.
Your snoring always seems to set
my evil side to work..

You look so peaceful resting there,
on my side of the bed.
I’d like to tip you out
onto your happy little head!

When you snore and jump around
it gets right on my tits,
I’d like you chop you up into
some teeny weeny bits!

So husband, please! Try to avoid,
my murderous intent.
Maybe you should sleep outside?
I can fix you up a tent?

I’m sorry, if I kill you —
I’d like everyone to know,
I tried to get you sorted out,
But I had nowhere else to go..