Taking Back Role Models

In the last few decades we have become aware of the increasing positive impact that role models can have in developing a successful career, outlook on life or even family. So more people are on the look out for role models to watch and learn from, and role model has become a much more commonly understood and used term. To my mind this is goodness, however the increased ‘PR’ and ‘marketing’ of role models seems to have come with a down side, from my observation, in the understanding of what a role model is and thus the willingness of people to consider themselves role models and put themselves forward as such.

Nobody is Perfect

The phrase ‘Role Model’ feels like it has weighty connotations that you are and should be perfect, in every way, everyday. If asked in an interview who our role model was we may respond with Gandhi, Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa, all excellent inspirational role models, (although I suspect some folks close to them would argue even they were flawed) however can they really, as a role model, help you as an individual learn, develop and build your life as you want it? We need to reclaim the term “role model” to be more real, bringing it back to meaning someone accessibly normal, someone we really can picture ourselves emulating.

“I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.” — Nelson Mandela

If you think for a while about the reality of role models who have affected your life to date, you will probably realise in that list are some names that wouldn’t have immediately sprung to mind if you were asked the question in say an interview. Big gestures, big impacts are great and can be transformative, however in the majority of our day to day reality it is actually the little gestures, the observed habits, the unexpected lunch conversation and the everyday actions of others that encourage us to firstly be ourselves, to ground us in our own authenticity and secondly to strive to be a slightly better version of ourselves. “Slightly better”, you are thinking, that’s not much of an aim, but in fact it is. We know that we are most likely to achieve and least likely to procrastinate when we have small attainable goals, and the value of a role model is to encourage and enable actual change, not just day dreaming. Changing the laws of a nation, inspiring millions of people into charity are fabulous goals, but as Lao-tzu said “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

So role models are everywhere, in fact I suspect many people would be surprised and possibly embarrassed to know they were our role models; our sisters, assistants, friends & coworkers. But they are, because they inspire us in someway to be better, to be different. However this also leads us to the realisation that role models are probably not the one perfect being for us to emulate, but in fact we have composite role models, taking the best bits that enable us to be the best individual that we can and want to be.

“Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.” — Cindy Crawford

For instance I maybe be someone’s role model as an inclusive leader, they may feel that how I treat everyone that I work with is what they aspire to, but I will never be anyone’s role model of a working mother because I don’t have kids, I don’t even have nieces & nephews ;o). So can I be a working Mum’s career role model in one package? Probably not, but does that exclude me from being a role model to her in aspects of how I do my job? I don’t think so.

“I’m not a role model… Just because I dunk a basketball doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.” — Charles Barkley

Similarly I may have a time management role model who is less experienced or less senior to me in the business, because it is their skill, knowledge and talent in time management that (as is probably quite obviously to the casual or non-casual observer) I have yet to master, but I want to, I aspire to their time management capabilities & practices. It is at the end of the day a “ROLE” Model, the model of behaviour, attitude and achievement that I want to model for a given role.

What does that have to do with ‘Little’ me?

Everything! We need to take back the heady label of the role model, to make it more everyday and to encourage ourselves and others to think about the composite role models that make up the person we want to be. In turn, in this composite world we need more visible role models than before, to enable people to pick and choose those whom they most relate to. So we all need to be prepared to step forward as role models when asked, not do the polite British thing of brushing off a compliment, but instead accept it, consider why it came our way and then have the confidence to share what we know and have learnt along the way with others in that area. Standing up and saying “this us how I do this“ is not saying “I have THE only answer, I am right”, but is in fact saying “I have found MY way” and I bet as a result of you sharing someone out there will think ‘I can relate to that, I can envisage that approach working FOR ME in a way that no other has before’. In your visibility and willingness to edge yourself a little forward you have given that individual options and opportunity that they may have considered beyond them before.

What makes for a good role model?

(With thanks to Sarah Foster from Stonewall for these thoughts during an LGBT event)

• Authenticity: being who you are makes you a stronger more consistent role model and reflecting on your authenticity once in a while makes you a better role model.
• Someone who knows and lives their values: What they think, say and do is in harmony because it is a conscious evolved representation & you know where you stand with them.
• Self awareness and reflectivity — including awareness of their fallibility, and the true challenges they have faced.
• Focused on others — take the time to listen & always champion others efforts to improve.

“I think the best role models for women are people who are fruitfully and confidently themselves, who bring light into the world.” — Meryl Streep

With grateful thanks to James Clear whose post on Nichelle Nichols landed in my inbox at the right moment to be a perfect example to use in a Lightning Talk to accompany this blog. http://jamesclear.com/nichelle-nichols

Instead of wishing you were someone else, be proud of who you are. You never know who was looking at you wishing they were you. — unknown