My Improved understanding of The T in LGBT

An Evening with the Voices of B & T in LGBT — Part I

I have just attended a really engaging and insightful event on the B & T in LGBT; for those of you that don’t know, that is the Bisexual and Transgender in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender, the two parts of that diversity team that are usually under represented and possibly less well understood. It was eye-openingly insightful and I learnt so much from the 2 inspiring and honest panels that ran, that my original intent to write a blog on the event quickly morphed into writing a 2 part-er so here is part one…. the intro and the T bit.

The event was opened by Alison Orsi, the VP of IBM UK, Marketing, Communications and Citizenship who made a very excellent point that summed up the ethos of the event and that was there is no point in having diversity of voices, if you don’t listen to those voices and what they tell you about themselves, the world and you as a company. IBM has long had a policy on diversity and inclusion, but what marks it as a company that is inclusive, a company to be proud of, is not the policy alone it is also its willingness to stand up and speak out and most importantly to listen to its diverse people, partners and clients.

As Claudia Brind-Woody told us, we’re here to have the conversations that would encourage some of us and probably scare all of us, kindly put it in context for me, what did I have to worry about compared to the brave souls about to stand up and tell this mixed audience probably more than I had ever shared with my work colleagues!

Transgender

First up was Silvy Vluggen, the IBM Global LGBT Program Manager….. in other words the lady who helps IBM transgender employees and their colleagues get through the transition as painlessly as possible. She explained some background and her approach. This included the fact that in 2013 the number of IBM employees world wide that transitioned doubled compared to the previous 5 years ( that is double in 2013 the total of the previous 5 years) and that by April of 2014 nearly the same number of people had started the process than the total number in 2013. Now I can’t believe that is just IBM nor that it is “something in the water” of the last two years, but I hope a reflection that increased openness and acceptance mean that more people feel able to come forward and be their authentic self at work…. To me that is a step in the right direction.

“Ah-ha” moments for me in her presentation were firstly the focus on communication to the team around the transitioning employee ensuring their clarity on the fact that the person is not changing, what is changing is ‘only’ how they present themselves to the world, the reasons why they were a contributing member of the team, their skills, their perspective, their work experience had not changed. Secondly that when you pointed out that gender dysphoria (as experienced by transgender people) is a medical condition, officially recognised, diagnosed and most importantly treatable (by transition of some form) by medical professionals then two things happen 1) people seems understand it is real, painful and to accept it more & 2) they appreciate that it is probably not appropriate to ask personal questions about medication, experience and operations in the same way it is not appropriate to ask someone in detail how their hernia operation went! I still can’t work out if I am surprised by that, but I am definitely saddened….. more work to do there still.

The Genderbread Person

But by far the most insightful part of Silvy’s presentation for me was when she showed us the Genderbread person, I had not come across this before and found it powerful in its simplicity (I pulled the picture from http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/ which is a great resource)

Take a look at the picture above, it explains that there are at least 4 (apparently there are more complex versions!) dimensions to gender. If you showed the 4 dimensions to a room full of people and asked them to position themselves on each dimension you would get very few that were truly 100% to the left or 100% to the right in all dimensions….. Many people may have a strong identification with sexual orientation, or biological sex however would as many say they were 100% masculine or feminine on the gender expression dimension, or would they even want to be?

This also highlights a common misconception that these dimensions are are linked, they are not they are separate, transgender is not related to sexual orientation, it is about who you are, not who you fancy. Someone who is a transgender person is someone whose gender identity does not the one they were assigned at birth. An example of this misconception in action is the belief that transgender and cross-dresser are the same thing, they are not. A cross-dresser is someone who presents themselves sometimes (or always even) as the gender that is different to their birth sex, however they don’t fundamentally identify with that gender and they have no desire or intention to change their sex from what it was at birth….. just their presentation.

And the answer to the big question everyone wants to know?

Which bathroom do ‘they’ use, well FYI IBM’s answer is that you use the bathroom of the gender you present yourself in, if you come to work dressed as a man you use the men’s room and vice versa, makes perfect sense to me now you say it!

“There’s a gender in your brain and a gender in your body. For 99 percent of people, those things are in alignment. For transgender people they are mismatched. That’s all it is. It is not complicated, it is not a neurosis. It is a mix up. It’s a birth defect, like a cleft palate.” — Chas Bono

The Panel Session

There was then a great panel session with transgender women from IBM, Thomson-Reuters and Barclays (recognisable as one of the faces of Barclays currently showing on their ATM’s in London as part of Pride month — Go Barclays! IMHO that truly is demonstrating pride in your employees), a transgender man from The Guardian and Persia West Diversity and Human Rights consultant who also speaks from experience as a transgender woman (http://persiawestwords.net/). So what did I personally learn from the panel’s discussions:

In LGBT the T is different as it is not about who you fancy, it is about knowing ourselves as who we are. Which begs the question as to why transgender is in LGBT, one panelist gave the best explanation that she has ever heard “The same people who throw bottles at you throw bottles at us because we both differ from the identified norm”.

When?

A key question was ‘when did you realise that you were transgender?’ and for most the answer was it was more when did I realise that there was a way to talk about, to communicate and understand how I had always felt. Seeing someone on a video be happy and positive about something that up until then had been so negative was one comment that highlighted the need for role models and media articles that explored the topic.

Growing Up

Also interesting to me was the difference in the experience of growing up as a transgender male and transgender female. Many little girls are tomboys and so the experience of someone born a girl in childhood is not so much that they are out of the norm so have a confident and happy childhood but may of those tomboy peers don’t actually want to be a different sex, for those that do suddenly when you hit puberty and it is no longer considered cute or fun to ‘play at being a boy’ there is a massive confidence shock and rebuilding process. For transgender folks growing up as boys though as a rule you know from very early on not that you are per se transgender but just that your behaviour is completely and utterly unacceptable and thus you conform because you have to. Someone who transition relatively early in life articulated it well for me “I didn’t used to be a man, I was a child that had a different gender identity”.

It’s Tough (surprise surprise ;p)

Some transition early, but also many late in life, often based on family, environment, church, social, etc. as well as the individual themselves, there is no typical journey, typical transition, typical experience. However the early days of transition are very tough as you need to present and demonstrate in your chosen identity for months (6-9 or more) without any medical intervention to ‘prove’ this is right for you; during that time you have to be on the tube, in the pub, at work, shopping. You are coming out every day and that needs a lot of confidence and can affect your confidence in other areas….. people (even strangers) can be very judgmental, especially at what is a very difficult time, being stared at is uncomfortable at the best of times!

Insightful also for me was that transition itself is a spectrum, it is about you as an individual what you are authentically as to where you want to be and thus what medical intervention you may like, for instance some women remain relatively masculine in how they present themselves although they in no way identify with the male gender, they may choose not to embrace floral patterns, skirts, high heels and make up. I had always somewhat naively thought that for instance a transgender female wanted to be as “girly” as she could possibly be, and not perhaps like me, someone who is female, does not want to hide her femininity but has no desire for “girly”.

The Experience of Being Transgender Today

“Once I got over the fear and shared, people were accepting… As often it is fear of the unknown as there is no going back.”
Being authentic gives a great release of energy and power, if nothing else you have been spending so much time and energy hiding something that you have now more to spend elsewhere. However of course it is not all plan sailing even for those who were confident and strong enough to stand on the stage and speak, as one panelist commented “I used to go to football matches with my kids, even premier matches sometimes, I am a public role model, on adverts for our business and yet I have not been to a premier match since I have transitioned because I just don’t have the confidence for that, that would be huge.”

How Can We Help?

The final question to the panel was what would be their wish list for us as an audience to take away to make work a better place for transgender employees…. it was these:
1) Be visible, put info out there, even if you have no role models having something matters. What happens when you type transgender into a intranet search, nothing, list of HR contacts or articles saying more, which do you think feels like this could be a company that would understand and accept you for who you are.
2) Be active, start the conversation, talk about it. Understand what “good” looks like in terms of being an accepting manager, colleague, business. Sites and organisations like GIRES http://gires.org.uk/ can help you with more info and Gender Identity and help you understand better that definition of ‘good’

and there are more ideas here on how you can personally make a difference http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/04/list-of-ways-to-make-world-trans-friendl/

My Summary

What struck me about this panel as individuals, which also came out clearly during the discussion, was the very strong sense of self that they had, their confidence came across, not as arrogance, but as a steady underlying bed rock they had. On panelist commented “I wish other people would explore their gender identity a little more and ask me if I am OK a bit less. I am now sorted, I have worked out who I am, I don’t need to explore it more”. Isn’t it powerful to have people in business that have such a great self awareness, who have looked into themselves and are totally authentic in all that they do….. I think so.

As always comments and suggestions for better understanding and change welcomed…… so much to learn, so little time!