Comparing Two Ages: Ambition
A comparison of the different ways two young girls are experiencing ambition.
One topic, a few questions, a lot of important points. Eugenia (24 years old) and Laila (16 years old) are two writers and Collage Mag contributors. Here’s a comparison of the different ways they’re experiencing ambition.
We did this interview via email. For the both of them, this is the first occasion to read the other’s answers.
Hi Eugenia, hi Laila. If I remember correctly, you are 8 years apart. I’d like to give you a set of few questions about ambition. But first, could you please introduce yourselves?
E: My name is Eugenia, I am 24 years old and I am from Genova but live in Bologna. I work as a freelance translator and journalist, which means I fight with time a lot and I can do Skype meetings in my PJs. I majored in Interpretation and Translation and I have a diploma in Journalism.
I wrote and still write for several publications and websites, mostly about music or the music business. I have also worked as social media manager and web editor for a few companies and as production and editorial assistant in London.
At the moment I am mostly tackling translations for the marketing, financial, editorial and audiovisual worlds but I also work on copyright and journalism.
My dream for the future is, as Linus says, to be shamefully happy .
L: I am 16 years old and I live near Rome. I am studying literature and I am thinking of studying Political Sciences at university. When I am not studying I play music, make collages and devour the Internet .
What does ambition mean to you?
E: Up to a year ago I would have thought obtaining a prestigious job position in a field of my choosing. After a year of working experience in London however, my perspective has changed: I had a good and well paid position doing something I loved, but I felt tired, lonely and under pressure.
To me ambition is to obtain what you desire but maintaining a balance between expectations, reality and possibilities .
It’s that motivation which can, if used well, help you reach happiness.
If, despite having taken time and hard work to obtain something, when you have it you are unhappy, it means something is not right.
L: Ambition means being aware of your capabilities and not settling.
Do you feel ambitious? If so, in which way?
E: I feel like a very ambitious person and also very demanding towards myself, perhaps bit too much sometimes. It has happened in the past that I stopped listening to my body and I “crossed the line” to try and reach the objectives I had set for myself, which is something I now try and avoid.
Finding a balance is not easy, but it is necessary to avoid going crazy.
L: Yes, I feel ambitious. To be honest, I continuously train myself to be it, because by nature I tend to do the opposite. My first instinct is to tell myself that I am not good enough and there are much better people than me, basically putting myself down all the time.
I think this is an issue common to many girls, they always try and make us smaller than we are.
There is a quote by Jemima Kirke that I often repeat to myself: “We’re wasting time counting calories instead of becoming the president.”.
It has inspired me in many occasions, from everyday little things to the decision to present myself as a candidate for Student Representative in my school, after at least ten years of male only candidates.
Have you ever felt guilty for working hard to obtain something? Has somebody ever belittled your efforts or accused you (directly or indirectly) of being obsessed with your ambitions? I noticed that something common, even amongst friends, is to not really ask how we are doing but rather to tell us that we have nothing to feel bad about, because they confront our lives with theirs, rather than confronting our present with what we hope to achieve in the future. Has it ever happened to you?
E: It often happened that I felt guilty for working hard towards an objective. Strangely, it happens especially when my efforts are widely and publicly recognised. I don’t like being in the spotlight and I don’t know how to deal with compliments.
It has also happened that some people would bring attention to the time and effort I would invest to obtain something, especially when, for some reason, they were jealous of the results I got. In these cases yes, as you say, I felt alone and misunderstood. This is definitely one of the reasons why these people are no longer part of my life.
Luckily, I am now surrounded by people that believe in me and motivate me, even though they do chastise me when I go overkill. I think it’s important to have someone that can support you but also knows how to warn you when you risk overworking or when you set unrealistic objectives for yourself.
L: I often get told to aim lower, to “resize” my objectives. Of course when it happens I don’t feel great, I think the purpose of such comments is to make me think “Hey, I’m just a big kid, what do I think I’m going to do?”. And usually I do it.
To be honest, having somebody belittle my intentions has worked out well sometimes: sometimes it’s good, even just to help you realize how others see your efforts and to see things from a different viewpoint; not all the ideas we have are worthy of being realized. The point is to find a balance between other people’s comments and the influence they have on us.
Social networks, like Instagram and Facebook, give us a constant window into other people’s lives. A look into their success, their relationships, their work. It’s not just about pictures but also about articles on how to make it, how to get a job, how to make “X” money and live happily.
How do you feel about all this? Did you ever feel frustrated, looking at other people’s lives? If so, could you give us an example?
E: I used to be very active on social media, I used to post a lot of stuff about myself and my private life. Nowadays I am more protective of my privacy, I limit myself to using Twitter for work and Facebook to post links and news. Maybe this change is due to the fact that I have experienced firsthand how misleading the image that we build of ourselves on social media is.
To live in a beautiful city and have a perfect job does not mean you are happy with your life.
It seems banal, but these are things that we should remember to maintain a sense of reality. So no, I don’t usually feel frustrated. Instead I feel happy for the success of my friends and I try to learn from people I think are doing something valid, both from a professional and human point of view.
L: When I was a little younger I was very sensitive to social media. In the sense that it often happened that I would pass most of my day angry or sad because I had seen the photo of a fun saturday night out my friends had while I was at home studying, on my own, at the desk, obtaining nothing and especially not having done anything the Saturday before either.
After a while I actually decided to take a break from Facebook, which lasted about two years. Nowadays sure, I feel a little jealous when I see other people being successful, but now I think it’s a good type of jealousy, one that makes me want to do better.
Do you have a role model? Do you have one or two characters that you look to for inspiration when you think things are not going your way or when you are worried about the future?
E: I don’t think I have any role models. Sure, there are plenty of people I admire, but they are inspiring more so than models. I admire Tavi Gevinson because she was able to create something great at a very young age, without losing herself and proposing a very healthy and balanced view of teenagers and women.
I really admire writers like Stephen King, whom maintain that writing does not just take talent, but also exercise and hard work. In other words, I like people that reach their achievements through a mixture of talent, dedication and commitment.
L: Tavi Gevinson is one of the people I admire the most and I think of her often when I’m worried about the future. Not just because at 19 she had already completed a project like Rookie, but also because her webzine, throughout the years, has made me feel better when I thought everything was going badly. On Rookie I found and still find EVERYTHING: if I felt down after breaking up with my boyfriend, Rookie had an article about it. If I felt bad in school, Rookie had an article about it. If I felt useless, Rookie had an article about it. For me it’s kind of like a survival manual. I owe a lot to Tavi Gevinson.
Do you ever talk about ambition with your friends and family? Does the conversation make you and who you are talking to feel at ease? Do they share how they feel about their work and life?
E: I often talk with my partner and my friends about what I would like to do and what I have achieved. I think it is important to discuss these things, as it helps to have other viewpoints and it is useful to recap. I like talking to them because I know they are sincere and their interest is genuine and I reciprocate that. Confronting experiences is also important to understand how other people live with ambition and to redimension your ego.
L: Sometimes it happens. My parents, thankfully, support me and believe a lot in my capabilities, they try to guide me and teach me what is best by going off their mistakes and experiences. I am happy that they do so and the fact that they believe in me makes me happy, but I often wonder if they are overestimating me , if I am really capable of achieving what they hope for me. With my friends it’s different: we live in a small town and we all grew up here, the life we lead is different from that of someone born in a big city. Most of my friends don’t even think about leaving the town, others want to become managers for some company.
Almost no one knows exactly what they want to study at university, we change our minds very quickly, also because it depends a lot on what tv series we are obsessed with at the moment.
When you manage to stop studying/working what do you like to do? Do you manage to dedicate some time to activities that ease your mind from everyday worries?
We spend a lot of time working to achieve something but then we often forget about our bodies or our health because we don’t know when to take care of them. Has it ever happened that you just could not catch a break? How did you feel in those moments?
E: You touched a sore spot. I like my job, so I have a tendency to overwork and forget to take a break. I have worked a lot and very enthusiastically since university. In London I had an interesting job but had to respect office hours, so I was forced to stop, but at the same time the city had me trapped in its frenetic lifestyle.
Now that I work freelance, my home is my office and it is hard sometimes to stop myself from checking emails, finishing a job, starting another and so on. Sometimes I am so tired that when I stop working my brain automatically shuts down and I can’t even read without falling asleep after five minutes!
I am trying however to discipline myself.
A gym membership is a great way to motivate yourself to leave the house, put your brain on hold and sweat a bit, leaving deadlines and anxiety behind.
I also like going to gigs, reading and rereading books and cooking.
L: Since I am still in school I manage to do what I like often because the hours are handy. When I am not studying I like to read articles on the Internet, I go out often, I go swimming or I play music for a while.
Translated by Brian Grieco
For more Laila Al Habash’s collages: Collageable
