The Many Seductive Faces of Suicide
CONTENT WARNING: SUICIDAL AND SUICIDAL IDEATION. LIKE SERIOUSLY, A LOT OF IT.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, WE’RE GETTING INTO SOME SHIT TODAY
I have suicidal depression.
I will always have suicidal depression, because it isn’t something that will be cured. Sure, there are times when it won’t be so bad, and I may not consider suicide for quite some time. But it’s there.
It’s always there.
So, I thought today we’d talk a bit about the different motives for suicide, especially the ones that I personally have to deal with on a regular basis. It’s something I don’t think we talk about because it makes people uncomfortable, but maybe if we can articulate what’s some of these motives are people a few more people might be saved. Or maybe I just want what’s going on in my head to be understood. Either way, hopefully someone finds this useful.
Make it all stop: This is of the ones you hear about the most, but no one ever talks about WHY you hear about it a lot. I think that’s probably because people think the reason is self evident, and in a lot of cases it can be. If you’re in pain, either emotional or physical, for an extended period of time you tend to look for any possible way to escape. You don’t see this one with rich people too often because they have the resources to fight emotional and physical pain (and because our society shits on people who show weakness, so celebrities won’t talk about it), but for the poor and impoverished it’s one of the few ways they can see to get release mental illness, chronic pain, etc. After all, wouldn’t it be nice if your body didn’t burn all the time? If your mind would stop playing tricks on you? If could just make it all go away. It’s only a step away after all, and the human body is so fragile. A fall from high enough up, a little slice in the right spot, or a pull of the trigger can make it all go away…
There’s nowhere to run: You’d think this would be similar to Make it All Stop, but the logic is a bit different. Make it all Stop is more about feeling intense pain and looking for release than it is about escape. There’s nowhere to run is ALL about escape. About feeling cornered and not knowing where to go. But Death is the ultimate escape. That crippling debt keeping you in poverty? That abusive relationship you’re stuck in? That dead-end job that you can’t get away from? There’s the door. The last door, the one that no one can pull you back through once you’ve stepped through it. The one no one can chase you through.
I’m so tired: This is the one I personally struggle with the most. Existence is exhausting, and sometimes it can feel like you just want to get it over with. After all, you’re going to die at the end of it all anyway, why not bring it sooner rather than later. And in this day and age, most of us are just working for a faceless corporation so that we can pay faceless corporations for our basic needs. Sure, you might be able to get ahead and get comfortable in your situation, but at the end of the day, you’re still spending most of your time supporting people you’ll never see, just so those people can enjoy a better quality of living than you do. So why keep going?
This is by no means a comprehensive list of reasons for suicide. At the end of the day, everyone’s reasons are personal and widely varied. This is more of a general set of categories that some of those reasons can fall into. Even then I’m sure there are more categories that I haven’t even considered. But if you know someone who seems suicidal, or are yourself suicidal, then maybe this can help you understand and come to terms with these thoughts.
Somewhere out there is a person who has never once entertained suicidal thoughts.
I envy that person
Once again, I’m putting the US National Suicide Hotline number here. If you’re contemplating suicide, please call this number. You deserve to live.
800–273–8255
Once again, I couldn’t keep making these without the support of my Patreon, as my patrons almost literally put food on my table. A special mention goes out to:
AJ
John Beckelhymer
Jonathon Chu
Katie Coker
Tyler Litton
Sara White
Thaddius Goldner
William Moton
Serenity Tomala
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