A Substitute for Roses
First written February 14, 2015 by Daris McInnis, Early Childhood Educator, Washington, D.C.
May I ask you to take a moment…….think about the person you love the most? If you were to write a letter about why you love this person so dearly, what would you say? Would you draw a picture? Would you paint a canvas? Would your inner artist come busting out with your best work to date? May I share a moment with you about the love of my life? Thanks.
My mother was 16 when I was born. If she (or I) had a penny for every negative comment people have said about her (or me), I’d be writing this on a private jet instead of a Busboys & Poets lounge chair that’s leaning a lil’ to the back (that wasn’t shade, just a satirical reference.
This place is amazing, by the way). I’ve often wondered how you’ve accomplished so much, even against improbable odds. And, you’re still human. That isn’t a hyperbole — If I may say so: My mom is fly as ever. Like foreal-real. FLY! Smart. Hilarious. And can cook (LAWD!). And since it’s Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t send flowers (I’ll explain later), I wanted to let you (and everyone) know why I love you so much (clears throat).
When I graduated Kindergarten, you were there cheering me on. When I played soccer in elementary and barely knew what I was doing, you made me feel like I kicked a goal with a millisecond on the clock to win the World Cup. When I ran for student council in 7th grade and won, you cheered me on — When I ran again in 8th grade and lost (boooo), you still cheered me on. When you and dad seemed to struggle financially all year — yet C.J., Aliyah, and I never wanted for anything (and Christmases were the best, I still remember my little red Huffy).
When I ran cross-country and finished last (every race), you congratulated me on a job well done, and took me to Burger King afterwards for a victory shake and fries (and I recall wearing that ridiculous crown they used to have, just because. Do they still have those crowns?). You drove 4 hours to West Texas to send me off to college (and drove almost a whole day to send Aliyah off), screamed at the top of your lungs in excitement at my graduation, saved and scraped money to make it to my commissioning — and then there was this time (inserts emoji with the biggest, cheesiest smile).
These memories are moments in my life I cherish, deeply. What warms my heart the most is knowing I can depend on you and call you to talk about anything, and I know you’ll steer my hardheaded self the right way. I also appreciate that you trust me enough to call and ask for my opinion, this is humbling beyond explanation… Albeit, I wish you would crossover to the dark side (leave those Droids alone, my lady.
#TeamiPhone), so we can FaceTime (inserts another emoji with the biggest, cheesiest smile).
My friends, coworkers, and colleagues often ask about my seemingly atypical (because, as I’m told, gentlemen are scarce nowadays) care and concern for others — I tell them it is a reflection of you. A manifestation of your unlimited love and care for others in the world. A concrete illustration of sharing the space under our roof with anyone who needed it (throughout my entire life, I remember you sharing the little blessings we had to help others. Giving to others is second nature). I realize that I have so much love to give to my students because I’m loved. I’ve always been loved. Because of you.
So, I suppose this is a dedication (as my inner artist is trying to bust out). Yes. Dedication. A dedication to my mama, and all the people in her life who helped and inspired her to become the icon she is today. A dedication to teen mothers, I urge you to look past the shaming of the adolescent fertility “epidemic” (and look forward, your possibilities are limitless). A dedication to Black women. And, a dedication to readers without mothers in their lives, and also to those who have lost their mothers. I hope that in reading this, my mother’s love pours into your life, and fills your spirit as much as it does my own.
Finally — as I’m on a new teacher’s salary without many $$$ resources, it’s costly to send flowers or candy — I hope this is a nice Valentine’s Day gift. I just want the world to know that you’re my greatest inspiration (dad is pretty awesome, too). I love you. Mama I luhhhh you (Donna Goudeau voice). Happy Valentine’s Day!
(P.S. No, this couldn’t wait until Mother’s Day. I send my mother flowers every year for Valentine’s Day. This year, I wanted to do something different. Take care).
