Woolly Staff: Winners & Losers
Here at Woolly, we’re big fans of the game that Marcus and Jamie play in Winners and Losers. We decided to play a quick round among ourselves — see our verdicts below, and let us know if you agree/disagree, and why!
Beyoncé?
Beyoncé is a winner because she is one of the most visible artists in the music industry but hasn’t given an interview in over a year. I mean she was on the cover of Vogue and declined an interview. The fact that she can do basically whatever she wants and doesn’t have to conform to the typically rules of what it means to be a star makes her a straight up boss. — Dani Barlow
Food Trucks?
CLEARLY a winner. Where else can you choose between Korean tacos, fried chicken, shawarma, bibimbap, cheesesteaks, and cookies and ice cream…all in the same block? True, some trucks are less than stellar. But nowhere else will you find such diverse food choices in a short amount of time. Plus, in DC, an $8-$10 meal is on the inexpensive side. — Steven Dawson
Parades?
Parades are a winner. Who doesn’t love a parade? I mean, there’s literally a song called “I Love a Parade.” Parades are the last purely celebratory non-ironic act of joy we have left in America. Totally winners. — Gwydion Suilebhan
Starbucks?
Starbucks is a winner on so many levels. First and foremost, they have convinced millions (billions?) of people around the world that coffee is more than just warm, brown caffeinated liquid best served in dirty cups at diners well after midnight. Starbucks also wins for driving social responsibility, volunteerism and environmental agendas, not to mention the world-wide pumpkin spice craze. — Daryl Wolke
Quinoa?
Quinoa is definitely a loser. Bleh. I mean you can put delicious stuff on or with it, but the quinoa itself is not tasty. I don’t care what anyone says: quinoa is overrated. — Sarah Peterson
Motorcycles?
Winners, because: leather pants and jackets. Also, what movie blockbuster has NOT featured a motorcycle chase scene? — Lauren Redmond
Beach Towels?
Beach towels are a total winner because: sand. Sand is the worst and anything that comes between me and sand wins all the battles. Also they come in a large variety of fun and tacky colors and designs. — Meghan Pressman
Taylor Swift?
Taylor Swift is a powerful woman. But a feminist woman? Eh. Sure. If you think white feminism and only publicly appearing with pretty women all over the place is the way to women’s equality, we will go with that. So, yes, although a powerful women, still a loser. — Brandon Hansen
Chopsticks?
Chopsticks: Loser. Why? Two words. Tomato Soup. Done. — Kevin Faragher
The Magna Carta?
Magna Carta: loser. It’s always nice to say we remember enough of high school civics and that the Magna Carta is this great foundational document, but no one actually remembers what it did, or what it says. But it’s a list of complaints by the powerful to the powerful to agree how to have power and that’s kind of lame. — Kerry Kaleba
Marathons?
Marathons are complete losers because to effectively train and compete, runners spend a tremendous amount of money. While I’m not saying each and every runner should be paid to participate in those events, perhaps marathons could become winners if each runner’s registration, shoes and carbohydrate expenses were reimbursed by cardiologists upon successful completion. — Amanda Loerch
Pumpkin Spice?
On a tropical island somewhere, there’s a Starbucks employee laughing maniacally, counting bills, and updating this real, live twitter feed. The #PSL has managed to assert itself as the mascot for the problematic “basic” concept. And it got away with containing zero real pumpkin ingredients or flavoring until this year. The joke is on us America. Stay strong, and stop outsourcing your mom’s Thanksgiving pie! — Abby Zan
Instagram?
Anyone (like literally anyone) with an Instagram account can instantly look like a blemish free supermodel. Who doesn’t want that? #winner — Moss Madigan
Winners and Losers opens on October 27, and the best tickets are still available!
Get them here: http://www.woollymammoth.net/winners-and-losers
