We’re all different but mostly the same

This post has been a long time in the making. Not because I’m a major procrastinator (erm) but I’ve been thinking, observing, questioning and trying to get my thoughts to make some sort of sense, to me mostly.

‘Community’ is a word that we speak of often and conjures all sorts of images in my mind. ‘Friends’, ‘The Big Bang Theory’, ’90’s Evangelical House Groups’. I read a quote recently that stated that our expectation of community can be what destroys community. The expectation of being constantly together, being best friends or not having any alone time can put us all off.

We do have to work/look after children/look after houses and everyone ends up busy. Community can be an add on — a time zapper when we don’t have much time anyway. I love having people for meals and going for coffee, though I think some of the best times of community I’ve experienced have been building raised beds and planting vegetables. I connect with people by ‘doing’ together. I really loved the ‘Women and Wine’ evening at Catherine’s last week — it’s one of our Collective Groups. What a great way to get to know each other & laugh & laugh. These are precious times to me. Not just a frivolous night of indulgence but memories that I will hold onto. The stories that were told will bring a smile to my face on a dark day. This is how we connect with each other.

Anyone who has ever seen any Bridget Jones movie will know that the expectations we put on ourselves and those around us can restrict us from being content and happy now. We feel that we need to have the right partner, family, job, friends to be happy and when we don’t have that we begin to look for the next thing. Something else to distract us from our lack.

To be honest, the community you experience at Collective probably won’t meet your expectations. As well as many other things. But know this — getting stuck in, being faithful & giving of yourself without expectation of return will be the most rewarding discipleship you can do. Community takes time to build.

I grew up in evangelical Christian church culture which encouraged us to ‘know and be known’ which to an INFP like myself made community seem like an invasive, nosey, suburban excuse for gossip.

Brene Brown says we should only share our story with people who have earned the right to hear our story. This takes time. A lot of time. And not many people. The ones and the twos. And that’s ok. Don’t feel that you have to share anything that you don’t want to. It’s a Christian culture pressure that we have bought into. Over time we build friendships and find people we feel comfortable sharing with. Some personalities find this easier than others. That’s ok. Neither are better.

To really love ‘the other’ we don’t have to look too far. That person whose political opinion/way of raising their kids/personality/house decor irritates you, is ‘the other’. I love our Collective table gatherings as I get to hang out with people older & younger than myself. I love chatting to teenagers and chatting to pensioners. The friendships that can develop with people who are not like us is one of the most beautiful Kingdom expressions. To be honest one of my favourite things is hanging with people who it wouldn’t seem that I have much in common with. Single parents, grandparents, newlyweds, students, travellers. Whatever. The world looks different through different eyes and that’s the way God made us. Recently I’ve been thinking of how we celebrate our differences and how we are all unique. But at the same time we are all the same — looking for acceptance/love/security. We all have much more in common,being human, than we think.

So what am I trying to say? Hmm, I don’t know. We all need each other and we don’t know how to go about it, so it will be messy. And that’s ok.