Why all of my friends watched my first go at stand-up.
How I used peer pressure to not procrastinate (as much)
One day I went to watch some stand-up and thought “I could do that”. I don’t mean that in a cocky way, as in ‘that’s easy’, it was more of a realisation — it’s time.
It was time. So I signed up for a spot two months later at Cosmic Comedy in Berlin and invited all 10,000 of my closest friends to come and watch (Yes, I started in Berlin — the home of comedy! If you can make Germans laugh, you can make anyone laugh).
Inviting that many friends sounds strange — most people want to do their first show with no one watching and only have friends come when they think they’re good. Well, I’m someone who thrives under pressure. The idea of chickening out in front of every social connection I’d made in Berlin, was the perfect deterrent to make sure I got up there.
Noobies typically get 5 minutes to play with and I now had two months to craft my killer debut set. I started writing down everything around me that made me laugh. Even in the middle of a conversation I’d get my notebook out- because unless I wrote it down right then and there, it’d be lost into the ether.
Comedy > Politeness
A week before the show, I had a fancy pocket moleskine full of half thought-out thoughts. In all my gathering, I thought the comedy gold would just magically strike and I would have a fully-formed joke. Now, leafing through the pages of my book, there was nothing but funny tidbits, musings and pub worthy stories. Then I panicked. There’s a huge difference between telling a funny story to your friends in a pub and performing a bit onstage.
Fuck. I have no jokes. I had watched so much comedy in my life and knew how a joke sounded, but I didn’t know how to write one yet.
I know I just said there was a difference between a funny joke in a pub and a comedy bit, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I suddenly turned to my tried and true pub stories. I’m from New Zealand and have travelled all over Europe. I have a heap of jokes and stories I’ve told people.
OK, I had story about my first name being another word for a penis and getting my middle name from my family’s dog. I had the joke about how shit the Kiwi is as a national bird. I had the funny observation about being confused with toilets in Germany, how the women’s toilets say damen on the door, yet they’re not for men (cringe, I know).
Before I knew it, the day had come.
I couldn’t think of anything else. I travelled to the venue with half of my office. They had already started drinking back at work and were in a great mood. I was too nervous to start drinking that early, though.
Remember those 10,000 friends? Well while they filed into the bar, I was sweating, pacing and talking to myself. I did eventually take advantage of my free drink tokens though, just to take the edge off.
Then suddenly, the MC goes onstage. “the next comedian — it’s his first time and he’s all the way from New Zealand, so please give him a warm supportive welcome, Willy!”. I can’t remember what happened after that. It was the fastest 5 minutes of my life. I can vaguely see in my head, the familiar faces in the dark, already smiling, ready to laugh. I can remember my hands shaking a bit but getting my first laugh. Then, the MC lit me from the side of the stage and my time was up.
I can’t remember much but I know it went well. But what sticks out most in my memory is that as soon as I got offstage, I wanted to go straight back on.
In fact, when I walked off to that applause, I wasn’t thinking of how well I did. I was trying to work out how I could convince the promoter to put me back on.
— “I have another good two minutes on Berocca tablets, I swear”.
I fucking loved it and here I am, almost 3 years later, still performing stand-up and searching for that same rush.
Of course, I love seeing others go through that same journey — Doing comedy for the first time has a real buzz to it. Recently, Jim and I at Com4Com have been putting on mental health comedy shows in London. In collaboration with Sanctus, each show we prepare four newbies to rock the stage with four pros. In my next article, I’ll be talking to some of those newbies. We’ll be getting their perspectives on what their first times on stage were like and where they’re at now.
