Autistic, Single and Ready to…
It is strange that in a society as interconnected as ours, through technology and social media, that it is so difficult for each of us to connect with one another. Of course this is one of the benefits of being single is it not? The ability to use this technology to talk to the cute girl we just met, or that good looking girl who caught our eye at the bar leaving us nothing but a name to go on. No longer constrained by limited connection to one person but unlimited connection to many.
This is the ideal that it seems is pushed in our society. No longer is it that we must get over our break ups and organically deal with these complex emotions of guilt, self-loathing and yearning to return to those ‘good old days’. Instead we are back into the jungle of ‘singledom’, looking for adventure, excitement, no-strings attached… One gets the drift.
However, what if you’re not adequately equipped to re-join this exciting expedition back into singledom? What is not told about singledom is that whilst it is both exotic and supposedly simpler than the safe land of ‘coupledom’, at the same time it is full of twists and turns, sharp thorns and rabbit holes that lead you to places you might not want to go.
When I talk about these rabbit holes I refer to dealing with the self. See the joy for me of a relationship, particularly long-term ones, is that your partner can back you up, self-validate your decisions, boost your esteem and ultimately protect you from yourself. However without this, one now needs to find a new way of boosting your own esteem, fighting your own demons and backing your own decisions.
People who are more sensitive, anxious and who are on the autistic spectrum struggle to deal with this journey down the rabbit hole more than most. From my own experience, dealing with this is really fucking tough. My autistic traits encourage me to focus in on certain thoughts, behaviours, actions and patterns. So imagine trying to deal with a girl rejecting you for drinks? Trying to get over one of your best friends not feeling the same way about you? These events snowball in my mind and ultimately drag me to the conclusions that I am worthless, inferior, ugly and too skinny…
These thoughts aren’t just the consequence of my autistic traits but the lack of a development of an outer shell. People generally have a buffer against the obscenities that people throw at them on a day to day basis. Me? Nope! Call me “a cardboard cut-out of an anorexic Justin Bieber,” and I will mull it over, question my physicality, wrestle with my insecurities before eventually (3 days later) realising it’s bollocks.
I’m sure a lot of you (a bit like me) have reached the end of this article thinking, what the bloody hell is all this about?! Well, I think what I want to convey is that being single is ok but don’t buy into all the crap and hype about it. Don’t feel like you have to get with someone on a night out because otherwise you’ll have missed an opportunity. You feel nervous about talking to a girl? GOOD, IT’S BECAUSE IT’S BLOODY TERRIFYING! You’re not going to turn into the slick smooth talking prince from the rom-com overnight, and nor should you. People are imperfect but instead of trying to shed yourself of your imperfections, just pause, breathe, and take a few seconds to see whether or not you really want to change or you feel you have to so people will love you.
Being single starts with yourself and how you can change the way you see yourself before you start seeing others differently. Trust me when I say that it is natural to want to hate yourself during this period, but at the end of the day that feeling will pass. Listen to that favourite song of yours, dance in the room by yourself, sing out of tune and see your friends! Through stuff like that you find your essence, the rhythm of you and that is when you are content. Not hooking up with the girl who you bought 2 for 1 tequila shots with at a nightclub. Clichéd line, but being comfortable in your own skin is more important than any relationship you’ll ever have. Single and ready to mingle… Not me. I’m ready to fight. Be it my insecurities, the devil on my right shoulder, negative comments or for my friends. I’m ready for that more than any one night stand.
Author: thefarmerandhisgun
Originally published at comeasyouareblog.com
