Noise and Signals
How iPhone proliferation gave birth to Beats
You can’t ignore the latest mainstream trend in portable music: Beats.
The sleek, bright headphones endorsed by hip hop superstar, Dr Dre. They’re everywhere, and the recent $3B acquisition by Apple made headlines in the world of business.
Beats surely must be one high-tech piece of gear. When someone finally walks on Mars, they’ll do so wearing sleek, space-age Beats. They’ll be red, of course, and tuned by the NASA boffins for aural pleasure in the thin Martian atmosphere, right?
Well, in truth, even the sexiest headphone feature, noise-cancelling, has origins in the 1950s, and did you know that “head-phones” out-date the invention of sliced bread? Could you possibly believe, or care, that Beats compare poorly against other modern headphones? We can’t explain a giant leap in headphone sales with a step in technology, so could we perhaps consider that Beats fulfill an emotional need?
10 years ago the musical device of choice was the iPod. The iPod was a sleek, sophisticated device for listening to music. It was beyond dinosaurs like the Walkman, Discman or Minidisk, and far more user-friendly than rival MP3 devices. But, there was a far deeper appeal than raw functionality — those gleaming, pearlescent, whiter-than-white earphones.
How the white earphones **popped** in early iPod advertising, accentuated by sharp black silhouettes. Has there ever been a better accessory for cultivating a new personal brand? Whenever I saw white earphones the message was clear: I own an iPod and have a deeper connection to music than you.
“What band? Oh, you probably haven’t heard of them.”But, alas, the relative superiority of iPod owners was not to last. By late 2011, the iPhone was certainly the smartphone of choice, and white earphones began to accompany every corporate drone on their commute to work. Gross. What was the iPod user do now that those white headphones were, god forbid, mainstream? How could they possibly show their deeper connection to music? Enter the next highly visible, credible and exclusive item — Beats.
Ask a cyclist why they shave their legs. Justification will range from the nearly plausible “it’s good for massage” to the ridiculous “it’s aerodynamic”. Of course, these pseudo-scientific explanations are poor substitutes for the truth, “shaving my legs makes me feel like a serious cyclist, and adds definition to my muscles”.
Likewise, the plausible justifications for owning Beats “the bass!”, “the high ends”, “blah blah de-blah” may seem to have merit, but were equally relevant 5 years ago, when nobody wore headphones. Unsure why you bought Beats? Let me help you with the truth:
Beats allow me to conspicuously show a connection with music that is deeper than yours, the price makes them exclusive and is suggestive of my relative wealth, and most people will accept my justification for purchasing them upon hearing the word “fidelity”.The big question is, what shall we do once we all stop Beating off? Should I get “Ladies, I play the cello” tattooed on my forehead? Are you not impressed?
Andy
Wrote this article to signal he is articulate, clever and single. The irony is not lost on him.
