How to Stop That Rash, Grow Your Beard, and Fard in the Car

It’s another installment of my Social Media Mailbag

It’s a little like Letters to the Editor, a little bit Reddit AMA, and *puts on sunglasses* a lot of fun. This edition of Social Media Mailbag comes entirely from Facebook and includes a question from an Aunt I haven’t seen, talked to, or thought about in at least 10 years and I’d like to really stress that that is not a joke. Here we go:

One of these is far too dangerous to answer, one is just a statement, another is a request (not a question), and the last one is 219005663.

Mark, I will keep my seat behind the opponents bench at Pelicans games until the day I die. Then I’ll just move my seat to the center of the court because I’ll be a basketball ghost, relentlessly haunting the visiting team until New Orleans wins a championship. Only then will I rest in peace, warmly snuggling up in the championship banner hanging in the rafters of the Smoothie King Center.

Colin, I need more information on what the rash is actively doing. Is it spreading? Is it itchy? Is it talking too much? Is it trying to get you to watch a movie at the drop of a dime and they know that’s hard for you to do because you’re so busy and how can you just decide, out of nowhere, to spend 90 minutes sitting still? I wish I knew what this rash was doing and also I wish I didn’t look up rashes and then land on that picture of diaper rash.

I looked up Farding because no lunatic would ever misspell Farting in a pubic forum like this. This Rush Limbaugh video came up and I watched the whole thing for you and yes, I think it’s worth your time as well. Maybe do a drinking game where every time Rush think he’s cute or funny you have to do a shot (RIP, you).

What does it means when your Aunt Lisa who you had a fine relationship with for a long time and then some family stuff happened so then you just organically drifted apart and it’s not a big deal and there’s no drama but still you don’t ever talk but then your Aunt Lisa drops a comment in your Social Media Mailbag post trying to humiliate you in front of absolutely everyone? I’m not asking for a friend, I’m asking for me.

I thought I would become a basketball star.

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