The Hardest Goodbye
Nana, the kindhearted, loving woman I will always remember. You are so beautiful and vibrant. You gave off such a warm light and positive energy every time you walked into a room. Everyone wanted to be in your presence because you made everybody feel like a somebody. You would always go into every situation with a hopeful heart, and no negativity. You are someone I strive to be, I hope to be half the person you were. You made sure everyone knew they were loved, and you shared all the love you had with everyone. If someone was having problems with someone else, you would tell them to always find the good in people, because everyone has good in them somewhere. This always hits home, because you’re right. Life is too short to not see the good in others and appreciate them for who they are. You brought so much grace to this world, and there no words can completely describe how lovely you are.
It is hard to think of you because it hurts my heart too much. Yet through all the pain, I can still recall all of the wonderful memories I have with you. Memories like sitting in front of the tv and watching shows with you while we ate powdered donuts. Then playing with barbies and stuffed animals after the show had finished. I remember how you would dance with me all around the house to your favorite songs. You would always let Christopher and I run around the house like reckless kids destroying everything in our path.
It’s so hard to think about all these unforgettable memories and then seeing how Alzheimer’s disease finally consumed you. Those once happy memories we shared soon were turned to dust. I remember drawing you black spiders because it was the only thing I could draw decently. You would always say the same thing every time I handed the drawing to you, forgetting I had just made the same drawing not long before.
One of my least favorite memories I have is walking into your room at the nursing home. It was me, my father, mother and brother. We were so excited to see you because we hadn’t seen you in such a long time. I was not expecting what was to come once the door to your room opened. When we walked in with the nurse, we all said hello, and you looked at the nurse and said who are they. It felt like a knife had struck me straight in my heart. When I looked at my father, I could see the sadness in his eyes, but he calmly said to you, it’s me mom, Chris, I am here with Beth, Christopher and Katherine. Once my father said that your face lit up because you remembered who we were. As much as that day hurt me, I knew it wasn’t you, it was the disease, the nasty disease that took you away from us.
You were strong for so long and that is all we could have asked for. It couldn’t have been easy to raise seven boys, and you somehow did. You were brilliant in every way. I wish you were still here, but I know you’re in my heart and I will see you again one day. I hope I make you proud, because if I make you proud, I know I must be doing something right. Thank you for being the best person I will ever know. I love you more than anything Nana, Goodbye.
