Bernie Sanders
It’s Super Tuesday Jr. today and fresh on the heels of voting,
we continue our tour of presidential hopefuls with our first Democratic candidate.
Although at the time of writing this post, the results in Missouri and Illinois are too close to call, Bernie Sanders has had a bit of a rough day. What better way to cheer him and his supporters up than with some comfort food? And what better comfort food than a sandwich in honor of the left’s current only favorite underdog?
The cheese choice for Senator Sanders was obvious:
In recognition of Sanders being the first Jewish person to win a primary and of the difficulty for the many US workers to rise above bare subsistence with low wages, use unleavened bread as your base.
Your sandwich will be open-faced and honest, as many people perceive Sanders to be.
Begin by taking this opportunity to demonstrate the wealth gap between the 99% and the top 1%. Say “millionaihs and billionaihs” a few times to drive home your point.
Take matters out of the hands of the corporate few and into your own hands (which represent the hands of the populace, obviously).
Redistribute the wealth equally:
Store up some extra wealth to demonstrate that you can be fiscally conservative at times and because, hey, we’ve got so many problems One Big Problem (did we mention the wage gap?) and we’re gonna need it.
Next, put the sandwich into the fires of social democracy your toaster oven for several minutes. While you are waiting for the cheese to feel the Bern, do two things. First, scramble an egg, Bernie’s favorite breakfast food. Next, watch this mix of Bernie’s version of “This Land is Your Land” and 12-year-old rapper BernieBoy (including the baby-bouncing rationale for the mix at the end).
Never stop watching this. Never.
When the cheese is sufficiently melted,
and the egg is appropriately scrambled,
distribute equitably:
Pair with a glass of wine that reminds you that Bernie has been standing up for the little guy (including Korean orphans) for six decades.
The hopeful trot of this Little Penguin will remind you of Sanders’ environmental record.
You will not have dessert today because tragically, you are not able to purchase a pint of ice cream that Ben and Jerry made in honor of Sanders.
Hey, but speaking of gaps in your meal, that reminds me: have you heard about the wage gap? Let me tell you all about it …
Hail to the Cheese!
— Sarah
“Americans’ right to cheese free speech should not be proportionate to their bank accounts.” — Bernie Sanders
Originally published at commanderincheese.tumblr.com.
