Why I shouldn’t have joined Commit.
I’ve spent the last 13 years of my life playing the game. Following the “shoulds” towards someone else’s version of success. Living my life for the next promotion, the next title change, the next bump in my salary hoping that happiness would be just around the corner. I’ve done everything that a rational, competent person SHOULD do to achieve success, and yet I’ve never felt more hopelessly lost, uninspired and, ultimately, completely caged in.
The opportunity to shift.
Like many other people right now, I’ve found myself in a new role at a new company during this pandemic. Let me be clear, it wasn’t the result of a layoff, salary reduction or any other unpredictable change. I had a Director-level role at a growing startup that was secure, stable, comfortable. So when I found myself entertaining a position at a significantly smaller organization — Commit — that had only been around for just over a year, I wrestled with emotions and insecurities that have never surfaced before.
I was waking up at 2:00 am, guts wrenching, mind racing. It’s not that I was miserable at work — I was complacent, on autopilot, a zombie. To complicate things, my husband was recently laid off. The stress of winning bread and supporting our family was officially on my shoulders. Mine alone.
So I did what any reasonable person would do in this situation: I consulted my trusted group of friends, mentors and advocates. The people who know me best. The people who would shine a light on my limiting behaviours and fears, and give me the kind of advice that would help me make a decision with confidence. Here’s what they had to say:
“Don’t join Commit.”
The reasoning.
There is a global pandemic going on! The adult thing to do, the responsible thing to do, is play it safe. Your family income has been cut in half. Leaving your current job would be irresponsible.
How does Commit make money? Will the company even be around a year from now?
You just got back from mat leave. Aren’t you planning on having more kids? You should just put up with your current job and stay if you’re planning on getting pregnant again. Why change jobs when you’re in the middle of having children?
Wait — your husband was laid off? How are you even entertaining changing careers?
You went from having a big team to leading no one. That sounds and looks like a big step backwards. You need to stay the course to get to VP. This change sounds like career sabotage.
Work sucks for everyone — it’s just a fact of life. When you have the title and the salary, then you have the time to discover life/passion/hobbies.
The realization.
The last advice-seeking conversation I had was with a dear friend and former colleague, just days before I received my offer from Commit. I reached out to him because he is one of the smartest people I know. He’s built several startups, and I knew he would help me explore the really important questions that would help me rationally explore this opportunity: How does Commit make money? Is their leadership team aligned? Is there enough demand for the value they are offering? Essentially: just how viable is this opportunity?
We answered all of my rational questions and built a predictable pro/con list. Just when I was giving into complacency and comfort, opting to “stay the course” and reject the Commit offer, he said something that shook my perspective.
“Danielle, we can rationally explore this as long as you need. But I’ve known you long enough to look at this from another angle. I think you need to accept this offer to break free from what’s been holding you back. Do it for yourself. Maybe now is the time to embrace a little irrational action in your life.”
I realized he was totally right, and I had known it all along.
The unlearning
No one has been able to explain how I’m feeling better than Glennon Doyle in her recent book Untamed:
“There is a voice of longing inside every woman. We strive so mightily to be good: good mothers, daughters, partners, employees, citizens, and friends. We believe all this striving will make us feel alive. Instead, it leaves us feeling weary, stuck, overwhelmed, and underwhelmed. We look at our lives, relationships, and world, and wonder: Wasn’t it all supposed to be more beautiful than this?”
YES! YES! YES! 1000 times YES!
It IS supposed to be more beautiful than what I’ve experienced. And that’s just what I’m setting out to discover. No more settling, no more striving for someone else’s benefit, no more living in fear to make the changes I know I need to make.
And that’s exactly why I told my fears to shove it — and I JOINED Commit.
I knew I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t take the leap. I’m not talking about literal survival. I’m talking about a gradual fading away. If I kept doing what I was doing, I would lose my fire, the spark that kept me curious, hungry, vibrant….alive! So I went for it. I accepted the offer and I haven’t looked back.
What have I gained? The opportunity to use my story as a roadmap for others. I’m setting out on a journey to build a revolutionary Engineer Experience at Commit — and I couldn’t be more ignited. It’s officially my job to help our engineers unlearn the structures, thinking and processes that hold them back. To unlock their biggest potential. To embrace a model that hasn’t forgotten that working for any particular company isn’t their dream — that it’s only a chapter in the bigger novel of their life. We’ve put engineers back in the driver’s seat and we’re only getting started.
Danielle Strang is building the ‘Engineer Experience’ and community at Commit. She’s relentlessly focused on the future of work and how to inspire passion and purpose for software engineers.
Thank you to Noel Pullen and Beier Cai for seeing the potential in all of my wild ideas, to Greg Gunn for encouraging me to speak openly about my experiences and to Ryan Abbott for helping me find my written voice.
