Respectfully Disagree
The most important skill.
In an age of group-think, social sharing, and endless networking, it pays to be an original.
It is ever more complicated to find, form, or hold a genuine opinion, one that is defended against the onslaught of mass agreement.
When everyone over 22 has read the synopsis of nearly every New York Times best-selling business book of the last 15 years, it’s particulary imperative to find ways of being unique and marching to the beat of your own drum.
Originality does not get the credit it deserves.
Unfortunately, when it does get credit, it is usually due to the originator being the loudest person in the room.
In a time when screaming is the only way to hear a unique rhythm through the drowning pulse of the commonly held belief, it seems you must be an arrogant, brash, verbose original thinker or a forgotten one.
It would appear that the respectfully original have no place in the world but obscure academic journals and family gatherings.
When the leader of the western world is empowered for yelling the loudest, speaking off the cuff, and interrupting to fill space, where is there hope for honest discourse?
But now more than ever, the art of respectful disagreement is imperative.
To learn to honour your opponent as an equal, to view their standpoint as a valid, thoughtful position, and to still hold true to your own judgments until convinced otherwise; this is a talent worth pursuing.
The art of respectfully disagreeing is one I admire most in the world, and one I would implore you to master, and further, to surround yourself with.
There are three aspects of respectful disagreement.
Thoughtfulness.
Disagreement for the sake of disagreement is neither respectful nor admirable, for it bears no respect for either party’s time. Their time is wasted for having to tolerate your disagreement without proper thought, and your time is wasted for exerting the effort to tell them they are wrong. It’s a lose-lose.
In order to respectfully disagree, you must first form a concrete opinion on a topic. In order to do so, you must become familiar enough with it to form cohesive thought around it. It is difficult to effectively contest an opinion on something you are not knowledgeable, and is ultimately a sign of a brash, unprepared character.
To effectively disagree, you must be properly armed, well prepared, and deeply thoughtful. Otherwise, it is best to admit your ignorance and learn.
Conviction.
In order to disagree, you must acknowledge the opinion of your counterpart and state an alternate stance. It takes courage and effort to openly confront the place of another, and being will to draw a line between you. To commence an argument is to begin a war, and should be taken with the utmost caution. Many battles are best won by avoiding them, but if you should find yourself in a firefight, bring everything you’ve got.
To stand your ground in the midst of a favoured opponent, particularly when you face up to a larger, well-supported foe, is to have conviction. To disagree with purpose requires you do so with gusto. Sometimes, you don’t have to be the loudest to attract attention. Some battles draw spectators.
To truly respect your opponent is to stand your ground and to be convicted. But respect also requires knowing when you are beaten, and knowing when to agree to peace. To change your mind is never losing, if done so with virtue and a willingness to learn.
Be convicted when you know you’re right, but be willing to change your mind. As they say in Russia, “Trust, but verify”.
Honour.
To disagree is to be human. To disagree with gusto and purpose is to be effective. To disagree respectfully is to be far more.
It takes a thoughtful, original opinion to find battles worth disagreeing on. It takes courage to instigate those battles, and virtue to admit when you’re wrong. But it takes honour to truly respect your opposition as an equal, and as a friend. To respectfully disagree is to view the standpoint of another as worthy and thoughtful, but to contest regardless.
To respectfully disagree is to never undermine the viewpoint of another, but to view every action as a learning opportunity. Knowledge is more effective when shared and expressed, and disagreement is a powerful tool in the arsenal of the great teachers. Guides demonstrate with vigor, but they do not command. To walk with another and show them is to allow them to form their own opinion through your lens. As steel sharpens steel, so too will you better.
To respectfully disagree is to learn and to teach.
And ultimately, to understand.
HT: VFC for the reminder on the value of respectful disagreement, and the role it plays in our society. In a sea of “pretty good”, exceptional often swims upstream, and it isn’t afraid to swim alone.
