A Planner’s Guide: How To Keep Your Cool in Stressful Situations

One of the things I talk about a lot is the importance of humanity at work.

It can be so easy to get bogged down in the day to day, just getting stuff done for a deadline and looking good for your clients. But taking care of ourselves and each other, taking time to reflect and practice empathy are crucial to workplace success (and could reduce such frequent turnover in our industry).

A few basic principles in helping to lead this practice (no matter what level you are, where you work or what you do) are below but keep scrolling for a quick reflection exercise that might help you get your bearings next time you’re in need of a little TLC.

• Remember that not everyone operates the same way. This may sound like a no brainer, but it can be easy to forget, especially if you are someone who is able to give a lot to your coworkers. Not everyone is able to give, give, give — some need more time than others to get over a bad meeting or need a rant sesh every once in a while before they can look a client in the eye again. This doesn’t make them any less competent, just different.
• Getting to know what the team around you needs from you as a leader takes a lot of work. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s really hard. But since not everyone is the same, consider either openly asking your coworkers what they need if you find them in a funk over a bad meeting. Tailoring your style to those around you will be noticeable and will make a difference in how others perceive you as a leader and confidant.
• Consider the energy you put out into the world. I’m not saying you should just get over something bad that happens, just be mindful of how your mood can effect others. You are entitled to wallow, but you may need to consider doing that outside of the office because it may set of a chain reaction. Think about the balance between putting on a happy face and completely ignoring the problem — neither extreme is helpful but finding the right balance for you and your team can help ease the burn.

A simple exercise to help you reflect and pre-plan for the next time you experience something not so awesome:

1. Who is your trusted confidant?

This is the person you go to when something goes wrong. They are your ally — maybe you go to them just to rant or commiserate or maybe you seek out their advice.

2. Where do you go when you just need some time to collect your thoughts or get your mind off things?

Think about what you do/where you go if you feel anxious or stressed out (for example, I like to peruse crazy real estate listings online) or if you’ve had a long day (maybe you go to the bar, get a mani/pedi or go see a movie, etc.).

3. What is the thing that you need in order to start the process of “getting past” a bad situation or moment?

For example, some people need to feel like they’re being heard or validated, and others just need some time away.

4. Who is the person at work most affected by your mood and reactions?

This person feeds off your reactions, maybe even looks up to you but doesn’t necessarily work “for” you — could be a peer or someone in a totally different department.

5. How can you help that person find their mechanism for self care?

Maybe you want to have an open conversation with them about what they need or you’re able to make some assumptions based on what you know about them.