Expectations

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Expectations are beliefs about what should happen or what might happen. They are a natural product of our minds. Our minds are imperfect projectors — instruments for seeing stories — a future not yet written but forecasted.

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Think about 2020 — why was it so hard for everyone in one way or another? Many reasons, but one is certain — it did not meet our expectations. We expected some aspects of everyday life from 2019 to continue to be so in 2020, and that did not happen. We could no longer hug and kiss people outside our households without a second thought, go to the movies, hang out at Starbucks, babysit or have babysitters, go out to eat, hang out…just hang out — sans mask and sanitizer. Masks, sanitizer, quarantine — all new expectations birthed in 2020.

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So, given the extreme chaos of 2020 and the continued recalibration of expectations in 2021, as well as the problems that expectations caused us before 2020, let’s explore how to manage these sneaky things called expectations.

Expectations need to be understood and managed in a larger context; otherwise, I find them, as well as “life on life’s terms,”* utterly impossible.

From my perspective, this is the larger context for how to have a manageable and fabulous life: Shoot for the stars, don’t expect a straight line, and focus on the effort, not the outcome. The “stars” are your values — what really matters to you.

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So what does this have to do with expectations? Along this journey, down here on planet earth, expect expectations to help and heed the forward motion toward our stars. Let me try to explain.

Caution: Practice required. No perfection available.

Live from the inside out.

To thine own self be true — Shakespeare

“But what if I don’t trust myself?” That’s a good question.

What “self” are we talking about? Again, we have our surviving self and our higher self capable of thriving. We need to trust our higher self and be wary of our surviving self — and have “the wisdom to know the difference” — as the Serenity Prayer goes.

Living from the inside out (and not the outside in) means living from one’s values and aspirations — one’s stars — and not from the internal or external “shoulds” of conditioning.

In a future essay, I will speak more to how to thrive vs. survive. For now, I would like to share a poem I wrote on expectations.

Expectations

If…

I expect you to be different,

I expect you to be the person I want you to be,

I expect you to love me the way I want to be loved,

I expect you to understand me without me self-disclosing,

Then I am “in for a world of hurt.”

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If…

I expect you to be different because you are you,

I expect you to be a person –your own person,

I expect you love me as you love,

I expect you understand me through your experience,

Then I am finding my way.

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If…

I accept you are different,

I accept you are your own person,

I accept your love,

I accept your understanding,

Then I am learning.

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If…

I accept I am different.

I accept I am my own person.

I accept my love.

I accept my understanding.

I am healing.

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If…

I am seeking to love and understand,

Then I will find love and understanding,

Connection and peace.

My expectations will be met.

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What are we expecting? Our expectations matter. They set us up either for “a world of hurt” or a life beyond our wildest dreams — only captured by the stars.

May you find peace and connection today and always!

To thine own self be true.

Namaste.

Love & blessings,

Sherri

*Reference to a story from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Ed., pg. 417

Nonattachment is next!