Put It Down (to put it down!)
Put it down to “PUT IT DOWN”!
How often have I said “I need to write.”
How often have I not written.
My job is to “chop wood and carry water” —
To just “do the thing” — whatever the thing is.
I used to not “do the thing” because I just thought about IT.
IT was what I needed to do and could not do…fill in the blank.
This was the short list:
work more,
work less,
make more money,
save more money,
spend less money
workout,
do yoga,
dance,
eat less,
eat better,
go vegan,
drink more water,
lose weight,
find time.
write.
Because I “put down” those things, I now imperfectly do every THING on that list.
I stopped thinking about them…I surrendered, a gift of Grace and Mercy. And now, all those things I could not do…I do. I was powerless over doing those things with my mind “large and in charge,” trying to run my life.
Self-reliance was my ultimate addiction: relying on my mind…on me… without adequate connection and Ground. As a 7 on the Enneagram, I was like a kite without adequate anchors, periodically crashing.
Meditation and other spiritual practices gave me the ability to notice my mind and eventually find Ground. Slowly, I found an “I am” beyond my mind, and my “I,” finally,….finally,…oh, my Goodness, finally, could rest. Rest in the smallness of who I was in the vastness of Universe.
It’s a miracle that I put IT down — I didn’t even know that I hadn’t! I had being taking the Steps again and again to no avail — seeking for years — trying — doing my best all the while. I needed to “put down the think” the way some may need to put down the drink.
Eventually, I got so tired of battling IT — so exhausted on the merry-go-round. I wanted off the ride. I wanted the ride to end. I truly wanted to die. Fortunately, I could not figure out how.
Surviving was KILLING me.
Such irony — my mind wanted to stay safe — in control — and I wanted to die.
The truth is part of me needed to die…
And she did.
The ashes of that layer of self became Ground for New Life.
Life beyond my wildest dreams.
Life I am living now…Life that is becoming Now.
A Life that is Now,
So I am putting it down.
All of IT.
Just putting it down — right here on this page, right now.
Blessings,
Sherri
