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CON GAMES: Red Bull In Secret Meeting Of Bath Party

Greetings Comrades!

We the people of Bath Party of Aspen come here to woods of ACES because capitalist pigs of Red Mountain decide we are Communist with their bumper stickers that say “Anybody But Mick For Mayor” with hammer and sickle that make us so sick.

The secret is out, Comrades. Our dialectical mission to take all the money in the world and give it to all the people of the world has been found out. Starting in Aspen, we take the money from the people of Red Mountain and we give it to Reds without capitalists knowing we are here. This is historical inevitability.

We start so they don’t know it. First we take the taxes on the corrupt homes and we give it to the people for the worker housing. Then we take over the opera house and the movie theater until only we control the organs of progaganda. We lose the book store to Texas zillionaire but we no look back for books. The struggle is long, comrades, and who needs books when we have the text messaging in People’s Republic of Aspen?

So we stop the jobs until we can build more the more worker housing, more buildings for the people who don’t have to pay what the other people have to pay when there is no Bath Party. We build the buildings and we put the Bath Party members in the buildings built by the state. And we build 100,000-square foot Pitkin County building for the workers of the world in center of Aspen so workers have the text messaging and the views, the opiate of the classes. This too is historic inevitability.

The rich? We make their lives living hell with our traffic until they go away. We treat them like Capitalists treat working man, to be spat on after we take their money. We spit in their coffee and steal credit card numbers and fart in their general direction.

In this way we build worker’s paradise for people of Aspen who are members of Bath Party. We crush the rich, comrades, and give all the money and bar menu in Aspen to workers, after we drink from Red Bull.


Words of Michael Conniff: fiction, non-fiction, journalism, blogging, and any other available form.

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