Trump Targets Trees, Demands Apology for Pollen Levels
Immigrants, athletes, former Presidents and past lovers are not enough. Just last night, President Trump has declared a newfound enemy: trees.
In a recent tweet, the President stated: “I don’t care who or what they are — they are a danger and a nuisance to the American people. Apologize!”
The spark of outrage happened at a recent rally in rural Idaho. Amidst praising himself for the state’s potato growth, the President sneezed once, and then couldn’t stop. Enraged, he immediately launched into a tirade against trees, leading the crowd with thousands chanting, “Chop them down! Chop them down!”
The rally lasted two hours. After, one attendee was seen stabbing a tree with a pair of scissors.
Pollen, Trump argues, has been a major impediment towards achieving campaign goals. One aide close to the President says Trump believes it to be a ploy from the Obama administration. If the situation is not rectified, Trump may trigger a federal investigation.
Until the situation is resolved, the President plans to “out wait” the pollen outbreak at his Mar-a-Lago resort.
When pressed, the trees declined to comment. One simply swayed with the wind.
