To give feedback, avoid constructive criticism and any food related item

Feedback advice has experienced little change in years, with the usual method being ‘the feedback sandwich’ — start with something positive, then follow with constructive criticism, and close by another positive. Although this advice is well suited for certain cultures, we increasingly operate in intercultural environments, and the top-down structures in which the sandwich was born are giving way to flatter and more decentralised management styles. Work has changed. It is time to update how we think about feedback too!

The original recipe for feedback is starting with a compliment to warm up the receiver. Then deliver the criticism (usually the real reason for the exercise). And finally, closing with another compliment to avoid demoralising the person.

From this basic formula, countless variants have been designed. Here is colourful example by Andy Molinsky:

Unfortunately, these don’t work in most modern work environments because different people perceive feedback very differently, especially across cultures.

In French or Dutch cultures, very direct criticism is common and generally accepted, and a such, they tend to perceive the positives of the sandwich as inauthentic. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Japanese and Indonesians are generally used to very subtle negative feedback. In their culture, ‘the areas for improvement’ are communicated by complimenting other areas and purposely omitting the one that needs improvement. For example, if your colleague from Jakarta had given you three reports, and report number two needed some improvement, you would say “reports one and three were great, thank you. The deadline is next week but I am happy you showed me the reports ahead of time”. Your Indonesian colleague will probably get the message and hand you an improved version of the second report (the one that wasn’t prized) within the week. The interaction will be positive and everyone will go home happy.

On the other hand, if this was your colleague from Rotterdam, the sentence above would probably lead him to assume he did a great job and no further actions were required. For most Dutch, a more appropriate message would go something along the lines of “thank you for the reports, the second one needs improvements because of XYZ, could you work on it during this week?” He or she will probably appreciate your honesty and know that they can trust you in the future.

In contrast to the cultural-specific interactions described above, the feedback sandwich tries to be a “one size fits all” formula. Unfortunately, a French or Dutch worker can easily perceive the positives of the sandwich as inauthentic and stop trusting you, while a Japanese or Indonesian could feel personally aggressed by the directness of the filling.

Now, those are just a few examples, let’s try to lead a team with a Namibian, a Brazilian, someone from the USA, and a Russian to realise our Saturday night will be spent creating 4 different versions of the same email and fearing the consequences of ever sending the wrong one to each of them.

A different frame

Counter-intuitively, the solution relies on not giving ‘constructive criticisms’ at all. Instead, we can rely on communicating both objective facts and personal feelings to give feedback. I usually recommend a 5-step framework, based on non-violent communication, that I call Complete Feedback.

It works this way:

Start by explaining the context

“I am sitting in my laptop on a Wednesday morning and finally have some time to write”

Follow with the facts

“however, my phone keeps on beeping ”

Then your feelings

“I understand that the messages are important but I feel frustrated that I am not progressing with the article”

Identify and share what you need

“I need a few hours uninterrupted to concentrate”

And finally, the request

“Could we pick up on what you need this afternoon after I have finished the article?”

Although the participants of the conversation above have conflicting priorities, they can understand each other and search for a compromise or win-win solution without the risks of criticism. The framework has nudged them towards building a complete picture of the situation, instead of imposing their perception of what the other person needs to improve.

Imagine how the situation would have been different with constructive criticism:

“Mark, any chance we could review how you communicate with me? you have been texting me all morning and it is very distracting”

Or even with the feedback sandwich

“Mark, I have always admired your thoroughness [positive]. However, your texts have been distracting me all morning. Could you pay more attention to how you communicate with me [critisism]?. You are a great colleague and I appreciate how driven you are [second positive].”

Depending on your cultural upbringing and preferences, you might have perceived the feedback sandwich version above as too negative or too sugar-coated.

Let’s look at our original example to show how Complete Feedback mitigates some of the cultural risks:

“I have just read the 3 reports you gave me[context]. I know you are extra busy this week, at the same time, the director requested I pay special attention to these [facts]. I am worried the stakes are high and I am taking a risk here [feelings]. I need them to reflect the best work we can do [need]. Could you go over report 2 and 3 again and develop section X further?[request]”.

As you can see, there is no criticism. Instead, going through Context, Facts, Feelings, Need, and Request enables the other person to empathise with your situation and switch to problem-solving mode. They might not always agree with the proposed solution, but now understand the nature of your reaction and can offer alternative options that suit all parties or at least, are a mindful compromise.

Using Complete Feedback once won’t magically solve all problems. The other person can still interpret your words as a critique and it will take a few backs and forths to reduce tension. However, with a bit of practice, it can become an automatic reflex and over time transform both your personal and professional communication.

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