I want to meet an Aboriginal Elder! Get me one!

This line, or variations of it are something that I hear every week. I want one for my gathering, for my school, for my group, for my childcare centre, for my women’s group, for my conference. Like an Elder can be dished up like a fast food menu. I want it, therefore I can get it. I smile, I often say oh so what are you looking for? Are you looking to connect in the community locally here? The conversation quickly turns back to the immediately need. The product. The Elder…presented, pretty on a face book page. Showing off your totally awesome cultural awareness- tick.

To say that is gets under my skin would be an understatement. To be blatantly honest- no I don’t pass on your messages. I have no desire to pimp out the oldest living culture on the planet. Occasionally with people I feel are really genuinely and from the heart hoping to make REAL connection I share your story while sitting with Elders. I leave your stories, your numbers. I know this has been done for me too, and there are many out there that truly want to connect from the heart. But the reality of the life of an Elder is not all pretty and spiritual. A small hand full of grandparents are burning out here in this country, being pulled from every direction on really important issues. I understand you have an interest in their spiritual Law. But you are not their priority.

I am working with a number of Elders right now and really attempting to get some projects finished. Serious projects that I am invested in heart and soul. But let’s just talk about this week. There has been more funerals and suicides than I can count. Elders are often pensioners and driving between these funerals means choosing between food some days just to cover the petrol. I call to try and work out details…but delays again…why? Because young people are being smoked back into community after being removed by authorities. Don’t be fooled this shit happened a long time ago. The research shows young people are being removed at higher rates than they were ever where at the peak of the stolen generation times and the world is just turning like nothing is happening. Mental health and drug use from intergenerational trauma are a constant battle. I try to book a hall for one of my events. I can’t get hold of the Indigenous worker. I see that the Indigenous face book site he runs is reeling with news of the suicide of a highly prominent national leader. Followed by the announcement that a young Indigenous girl who was raped while unconscious by two older white men, later died from vaginal bleeding — her death will go unpunished. Not murder, not manslaughter, not rape, not even assault. The Indigenous community is reeling in her loss, and feeling the loss of their own loss of humanity and citizenship rights. I’m sad and deeply affected by the brutality of the story, I watch the news that night, it isn’t mentioned.

I’ve been asked again to contact an Elder to speak at school assembly. I gently call. I am told give us a moment to take a breath, it is hard times. It’s always hard times. The school is pushing hard with timelines and reporting frameworks. Where is this Elder? We need feedback for the meeting by this Tuesday! Yes of course…I’ll email him again…I see two worlds colliding here. As auntie says often we can use the same words and be speaking a different language. I have to push back on the mainstream and remember to trust the process and trust the mother. If it’s meant to be it will be.

I run a ceremony a few days later and a woman says to me “oh I’ve never met and Aboriginal Elder I really want that- they are so beautiful and special, can you organise a meeting? I think about directing her to read blood on the wattle (a book detailing the massacres of Australia) and loose her historical amnesia I know she has, and wake the fuck up. I hate the pretty ‘oh they are all so spiritually amazing as much as I hate the bogan they are all fucked up. It’s all othering….none of it is real. None of it is based in REAL relationships with REAL people.

What I do not see is reflection from non-Indigenous people of their white race privilege. What I see all the time is this- I want it! Therefore I can take it. This is the attitude of the colonial mindset that has not been undone. It is always coming from a perspective of what I want- what I need. Occasionally I throw a line to those I think are really wanting to connect with Elders and county in a REAL way. I conveniently forget their request. I say oh if you want to meet this Elders family, get to know them, help in a project that’s important to them…here are some ways. Auntie is talking here on this date…or having a women’s group here. But 99% of the time the response is oh that may be hard, or I’ll have to see about babysitting, or let me know next time. But they never turn up. They just want.

So if you are still reading my question to you is this. Instead of what can you get from an Elder? Perhaps you could ask what you can give. Elders are involved in a range of youth projects, women’s projects, community projects in YOUR community. If you want REAL connection stop taking, stop asking. Elders are already stretched well beyond their capacity. They will not stop at burn out point and drop everything for you. Especially to share their most intimate knowledge of what is most sacred to them with a complete stranger. When you present to an Elder like that you do like you are on drugs. You cannot walk into a community that has lost their land, their family, and their rights and still holds their LAW. Then say oh I want to have that too. I want access to that spiritual Law, so therefore I can take it. Then act surprised when Elders say either no you can’t have it, or say simply there is no Law here anymore. It is part of undoing white privilege to realise you have no right to take what you want. Some things do not belong to you.

A better option may be to have your group, circle, school make a connection with the local Elders council. Find out what projects they are working on. Are they doing hampers for families in need at Christmas? Do they deliver blankets and toiletries to homeless youth at winter? Do they have a clothing exchange? A new start pack for prisoners or women escaping domestic violence? Is there an Elders room in need of support? An Elder in need of a lift? Do they want company over a cup of tea? Or a bit of help around the yard? Or to tell stories to a bunch of grandkids to get them to sleep on a Saturday night? Look up your local Elders council or land council and ask what projects are going on. Get involved with NAIDOC events. This may not seem like spiritual work. But believe me when I tell you it is. Because this is the work of real relationships. This is the work of listening. This is the work of just being with each other and truly becoming family. Unravel the shit you think you know. Unravel the things you think you have the right to know. Then just listen, just be and let the truth of this country and real community flow into your heart.