Sometimes I forget (and ignore) that I’m burned out
The aspect of burnout that I struggle the most with
I couldn’t get out of bed this morning.
It has been a demanding week: two days of sleeping less than 5 hours, two long road trips, two demanding workouts, and a whole day of skiing. To some this might not seem much, but for me, it was a bit too much…
On days like this, my ego mind always goes into victim mode by thinking:
“Why me? Why do I burn out? Why can’t I be normal and do everything like others?”
But deep down I know that I’m not like others…
Burnout can leave consequences
Sometimes, I forget what I am deep down. Deep down I’m still burned out. Burnout has left some damage: it’s like after a serious injury, when you’re not able to do some movement or play some sports.
Because of my burnout, I can’t go as long and as hard as others can. I have a limited amount of energy. I have a limited amount of resources. I can’t push my body physically as I would like.
Sometimes I forget the fact and I just keep going. And then at times I’m ignoring it and I’m “consciously” going on without slowing down.
Because there are things to be done. There are people who rely on me and need me. There are things I want to do. There are my own mental pressures of what I should do, be and should be doing. Maybe it’s also because deep down, I still don’t love myself fully and I don’t think I’m good enough and I have to prove myself to others — and that’s why I keep going.
It sucks…
After the initial whispers of the body, there come screams. And after the screams, the body just doesn’t have any more energy, so it quietly shuts down. The pain and fatigue come. The brain fog and inability to concentrate and think clearly.
And alongside these negative symptoms come shame and guilt which are the worst. They are telling me and making me believe that I have fucked up: that I haven’t learned anything, that I should have know better and that I’m a failure because I have let myself burn out once again.
But there’s a reason for this malaise to occur: maybe if it wouldn’t have come to this point, I wouldn’t have slowed down.
I’m a type A , achiever and a bit of a workaholic — I don’t slow down unless I really have to…
To be honest, it sucks. I want to do things. I want to think clearly and be mentally productive. I want to workout and play sports when I would like to.
But there’s only one way: I have to accept what I am, surrender to the experience, and not fight back against it.
When you fight it, it just gets worse.
My strategy for “Dark days” like today
Below is my strategy what I do to recharge and get back on my feet. I believe it will help you if and when you’ll face a “dark day” of your own.
Feel and embrace the pain, fatigue and discomfort. Give your body the rest it needs. Take it easy on yourself. Don’t do anything physically demanding. Lower your caffeine. Take a nap. Do a deep healing meditation. Go on an easy walk. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that relax you. Allow the accumulated stress and repressed emotions to come up and out.
And most importantly, allow yourself to rest and recharge! You might be “resting”, but if you’re feeling guilty about it, that won’t do it.
And remember that quote:
“This too shall pass”.
I get caught in the current negative experience everytime and believe that it will last, that it will become my “new reality”.
But the malaise always passes.
And once it’ll pass, I know I’ll be grateful that I’ve taken some downtime and allowed myself to slow down and recharge. And this is the motivation I keep in mind in those discomfortable moments.
