the Self-Conscious Line Up

In my dream,

I’m in a white infinite space. There are no walls, no forms, no finite confines that define me in a place.

Every guy I ever hooked up with present themselves in a matrix with four columns. They are frozen and inanimate — like plastic molds of their real selves or characters out of the Sims game.

Each person shifts forward slightly and rotates on an angle when my dream self focuses on that person. This is not a conscious action; it’s just happening.

As each person comes forward, my mind goes through the self-conscious emotions I had at that specific time of hooking up with that person.

Most of them are because I wasn’t confident, wanted to be liked, or wanted some type of validation. Those are the true reasons of why I hooked up with some of the people I did.

Not because it felt good or it was fun — because I was self-conscious.