Building Skirmish Breaks Out in Downtown Atlanta

Two buildings housing the Esophobee Headquarters and the Broke Brothers headquarters grew limbs and brawled throughout downtown Atlanta.

ATLANTA — A building fracas broke out in downtown Atlanta on Tuesday afternoon. The Ruler of All and the Centennial building grew limbs, stood up, and attacked each other. Disaster quickly followed, with both buildings wrecking half the city, creating mass transit delays, disrupting businesses, and even ruining what would have been a heartwarming quinceanera.

Maricela Ortega and her boyfriend, Constantine Konstantinopolites, witnessed the mayhem that ensued during her quinceanera. Ortega said, “We were dancing to our song, ‘Say Something’ by Twine, when we felt the ground trembling. I literally thought our dancing was so f*ckin’ sick, we caused an earthquake. Turns out it was just some buildings fighting or whatever. That walkie-talkie-looking-ass building ruined my special day.”

A drone captures the chaos of the building brawl at the quincenera.

The Centennial dodges a punch from the Ruler of All.

Knee to the face.

Centennial building gets flipped on its back.

Ruler of All ripped a MARTA train off the tracks and used it as nunchucks.

Credit: Alyssa Michaels

The Ruler of All slipped on a “Soap” car. It’s a car made out of soap.

The fight took a turn when both buildings realized they were in love with each other.

They walked several hundred miles to the Atlantic Ocean. The next morning they were back on their respective lots.

The fight ended with both buildings falling in love and walking into the ocean with a sunset backdrop.

Esophobee stated through their spokeswoman, Yhandis Hepa, “We think Sophie’s software is on the fritz. We’re not sure where the legs and arms came from. I’m just glad I wasn’t in the building when it happened.”

Sophie, which is still in beta testing, is a commercial software comparable to its ancestral consumer counterparts Alexa and the legendary Siri. To activate Sophie, someone has to clear their throat and tell Sophie a command. It’s believed that far too many people throughout the building cleared their throat simultaneously, which overstimulated the super AI’s quantum computers.

Broke Brothers spokesman, Rob Darling, responded in an email, “Our entire building is soaking wet; there are sea animals everywhere. There’s a dead hammerhead shark in our conference room. I entered my office to find one-motherf*cking-hundred dead seahorses on my desk! Everybody knows I hate seahorses! We demand that Esophobee accept full responsibility and flush all these dead sea animals down the toilet! 🐝➡️🛁⚰️🐋➡️🚽.”