Judge Bama Declares Esophobee Victor During Heated Hearing
Esophobee v. Botsworth incorrectly named Esophobee as a defendant, which prompted Esophobee’s general counsel, Johnny Lahsootz, to file a motion to dismiss.
ATLANTA — Esophobee found itself in court for a fifth time this year to address a class action lawsuit filed by customers affected by Esophobee’s new sports coupe, the Aggressor. Judge Bama presided over Case №1:41-cv-666, filed by lead plaintiff Jane Botsworth, an Aggressor owner and Feastie Boyz enthusiast. In typical fashion, Judge Bama entered the courtroom to his walk-up song, “Paycheck,” by FIDLAR.
Judge Bama first questioned Esophobee’s general counsel, Johnny Lahsootz, over the matter of the case.
Judge Bama read over the case, muttering to himself, “350 Aggressors malfunctioned…more than 500 people injured…seeking $2 billion in restitution…,” ultimately forcing him to acknowledge the severity of the case.
Lahsootz continued, “Mrs. Botsworth failed to disclose she’s a [Bee Association of America] member and already has an issue with Esophobee. If she belongs to an organization that has sworn vengeance upon Esophobee, then why on earth would she bother buying an Esophobee vehicle in the first place? Take Ryan for example, a recurring victim of UMAD’s ejection software. The guy can’t even get an erection and he’s still hard for Esophobee.”
He then asked Judge Bama to drop Esophobee as a defendant in the suit.
Attorney Oliver Bumnose, representing the plaintiffs in the suit, was not pleased with Lahsootz perspective on the matter.
Lahsootz snapped:
Judge Bama savagely admonished both lawyers:
Once Judge Bama regained control of his courtroom, he allowed Lahsootz to finish his rebuttal on the matter.
Lahsootz addressed Judge Bama, saying, “Your Honor, it’s obvious this class action is a wolf in sheep’s clothing serving the interests of the [Bee Association of America].”
Bama took a few moments to look over the details before making his decision. After a lengthy awkward silence shared among the court, Judge Bama announced his decision, stating, “After reviewing these here details before me, I do declare the case will be dismissed on these here grounds: Esophobee ain’t done built that there ejection contraption and they ain’t done nothin’.”
Lahsootz pumped his fist like a golfer who just shot a hole-in-one, turned to Bumnose, and quipped, “Get your sh*t rocked, Bumnose.” Georgia’s 14th District U.S. Representative, Ram — a pick up truck — was visibly displeased with the outcome. It threw a fit, then crashed through the courtroom’s wall, and proceeded to gas the room by sustaining a burnout.
