GRIEF
A Letter To Wherever You Are
I’m getting ready for our dream trip
Dear Rose,
It’s been almost four years since we lost you, but I still love you as much as I did the day you left. This is hard, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I’ll keep my promise and enjoy the rest of my life for the two of us.
I don’t know where you are. You used to tell me there was a heaven, but I’ve never been sure of that. I secretly wished it was true, for I can’t picture never being next to you again.
Things are getting easier, though. Not because I don’t think of you every second of my life or because I don’t cry anymore. Things are more manageable because I finally created a new routine that I keep on autopilot. I took your advice of pre-deciding my meals for the week. It helps me think less.
I cry quite often, and I’m not ashamed to say so. I don’t know why people think men can’t cry. I believe that men who can’t cry are cowards.
Work is doing fine; they gave me so much support after you left us; they were like a family. I will be retiring soon, and then I’ll follow our dream of traveling the world.
But first, I’ll spend some time with Sean. They had another child since you left. She is the cutest and has blue eyes like you did. She always makes me laugh. I feel sad, though, that you can’t see her. Maybe you can. Your daughter-in-law says you sent her to us; I hope it is true.
And after that, I will be traveling to Bali. I’m sorry we never got to do that trip together. Silvia says I should spend some time in Nusa Lembongan, a little island by Bali. I want to convince them to come with me. Sean wants me to get certified in scuba diving. Imagine, at 65!
Some days, it is hard even to wake up. But I promised you I would keep going, enjoy the rest of my life, and travel to all the places we never visited. And I will do my best to make it happen. I’m saving.
I sometimes feel like you are still by my side but still miss you. I will stay positive as I promised, though.
I love you to the moon and back, with a layover in the stars.
