AGING UNGRACEFULLY AS WE MARCH TOWARD OBLIVION

Countdown to Extinction: A Top Ten List of the Worst Parts of Getting Old

You won’t believe #1 because you forgot your reading glasses and have no idea what it says, anyway

TEN. I SAID TEN THINGS GRANDPA. THAT’S A 16 AND OHMYGOD JIM YOU’RE HOLDING A 14 okay this is pretty much where this article was going, anyway. Image by author using Grok.

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They say, “You’re only as old as you feel.”

By this adage, I will be celebrating my 387th birthday soon.

I can count on one hand the good things about getting older:

• You get to retire and relax while you wait to die
• AARP discounts

Wow. Okay, I only have two things.

The cons of growing old far outweigh the pros. Here is a Top Ten List of the Worst Parts of Getting Old.

#10: The Cost of Life Insurance

When you were 23, you could get a $5 billion life insurance policy for $0.16 a month (non-smoker). If you smoked, that price went up to an outlandish $2 a month, which is why you lied on the application.

If you’re over 50, you inverse these numbers. A $0.16 life insurance policy now costs you $5 billion each month. And this is the crappy life…